Posted on 10/05/2007 7:14:47 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
To libs all guns are fully automatic, banana clip, assault weapons made for one purpose and made by Smith and Ruger or Colt and Wesson or Glock.
Yeah, that's it, Glock. Easy to remember, made of plastic, can sneak by any security to assassinate liberal progressive opponents of the arms/big oil/ultra right wing/Christian fundamentalist conspiracy.
Actual NYC street signs.
Eve’s side of the story
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
“So, how is everything going?” inquired God.
“It is all so beautiful, God,” she replied. “The sunrises and sunsets are
breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, I have just
one problem . It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes
the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. I do hate to complain but, they’re a real pain,” reported Eve.
Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in
pairs, her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having just two breasts
might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced.”
“That’s a fair point,” replied God, “but it was my first shot at this, you
know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only
half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.”
So God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?”
“Just fantastic,” she replied, but for one oversight. “You see, all the
animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram, and the cow has her bull. All
the animals have a mate except me. Sometimes I feel so alone.”
God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let’s see, where did I put that useless boob?”
Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than that stuff about the rib?
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
5-year $ 75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Abortion clinics now available in every high school in United States.
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4,532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines.
You shoulda warned me before last night.
http://www.plig.net/things/pictures/tn/t10signs.jpg.html
They always wear "gloves" when working on you.
Yeeesh!!!
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