I agree that who we are is far more complex than we may ever understand fully. But, although my statement sounded simplistic, in practice it really isn’t. Nature plays a part, but much of a person’s identity forms based on outside influences including how other people react to him or her.
For example, if other people tell you you’re attractive, you identify as attractive. If other people tell you you’re unattractive, you identify as such. If they tell you you’re smart or stupid or anything else, you begin to identify that way. It’s not such a big leap to see that the same goes for many other characteristics, such as sexual orientation.
There was a good article posted here awhile ago that described how someone grows up being taught to believe that he or she is homosexual. If you like, I’ll try to dig it up for you.
P.S. I don’t have a favorite color. Is that unusual? :-)
“For example, if other people tell you you’re attractive, you identify as attractive. If other people tell you you’re unattractive, you identify as such. If they tell you you’re smart or stupid or anything else, you begin to identify that way. It’s not such a big leap to see that the same goes for many other characteristics, such as sexual orientation.”
Sorry, never worked for me, never worked with me.
None of these things are automatic or given, at all. They are possible reactions but they always take many forms of reinforcement, internal as well as external for one to choose to agree with them and have equal opportunity for being rejected, by internal as well as external forces (other people and their rejection of those characterizations to us).
Identity CAN be influenced by how other people react to us, or try to make us react to them, but with our internal resources and counter influences of other people - people providing a different influence - one set of influences do not make a fixed and automatic influence that will set our identity, and in fact, with internal will and fortitude, good parenting or both, we CAN consciously decide to accept or reject external influences - their influence is only an influence, its ability to determine identity is not fixed as unavoidable.
I had (still have) a dark mole over one eye, very big ears as a child and was called “Dumbo” by childhood friends and my siblings, mercilessly, and was often one older brother’s punching bag and ignored completely by another older brother as not worth the time of day to consider. I was also quite a “book worm”, on the skinny side, equally interested in reading science or science fiction books as playing sports with my brothers. The worst part of our playing sports together was that they couldn’t stand it when I beat them - that wasn’t supposed to happen. My family thought, and said, my social life in Jr. High was going to be difficult (comments made behind my back as well as openly, and often as snide jokes at dinner time) because I was this skinny, huge-eared, shy, bookish kid (getting 9th grade 7th month math scores in 5th grade). They weren’t the only ones, it was the universal view of family and my peers in the neighborhood.
Low and behold, 7th grade came and I soon had a “steady” girlfriend, became a class officer, beat my brother (2 years older) as the winner between the last two couples in a dance contest at my first Jr. High School night-time dance and was soon considered by others to be in the “in crowd” - skinny, bookish, big-eared and all. I had never changed during that whole time. Why? I had NEVER accepted ANYONE’s external characterization of me as my own, AND I NEVER HAVE. Some of my acquaintances I admire the most are black Americans I know who are conservative. When I hear their stories they each had more than enough bigoted influence to think they were worthless and more than enough “black anger” influence to destroy their intellectual honesty in hatred against those who tried to make them feel worthless. They relate some of their conservatism now to the fact that they did not self-identify with the identities many, including many in the black community, tried so hard to influence them towards. Many of their constant influences could easily have brought them to be Jessie Jackson clones or depressed failures. Their unwillingness to let those external influence be the controlling influences of their identity allowed them to preserve their intellectual honesty, without which they would not be conservative today.
The influences of other people are only influences, it is not a given that they are determinants - it is more complex than that.