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A guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be a thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new CORVETTE Z07.

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up.

"What are the three tests?"

"Pay first, those are the rules," says the bartender.

So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

"OK," the bartender says, " Here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink that entire liter of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once .... and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second, Th ere's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.

Third. There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never had an orgasm.

You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks,

"Where ez zat tequila?"

He grabs the litre with both hands and downs it with a big slurp.

Tears stream down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.

Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then . . silence.

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says...
"Where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the
man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the
husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body
because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt
was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one
about where the skin came from, and they requested that
the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded
at the man’s new face. He looked more handsome than he
ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome
with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”

“My darling,” she replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

HEALTH CARE PROFESSION – SECRET CODES

ALP – Acute Lead Poisoning (… a gunshot wound)

ALP (A/C) – Acute Lead Poisoning (Air Conditioning) (… multiple gunshot wounds)

AMF Yo Yo – Adios (… You’re On Your Own)

ART – Assuming Room Temperature (… deceased)

Bagged and Tagged – A body that is ready to be taken to the hospital morgue (… it’s in a body bag and has a toe tag)

Code Brown – Take a guess!

Code Yellow – A patient who has wet the bed

Code Zero – Another “Frequent Flyer”. The real radio codes range from Code 1 (not serious) to Code 4 (emergency)

DFO – Done Fell Out (… of bed)

Flower Sign – Lots of flowers at a patient’s bedside (… may indicate the patient is a good candidate for early discharge,

since they have friends and family who can care for them)

FOOSH – Fell Onto Outstretched Hand (a broken wrist)

FORD – Found On Road Dead

Frequent Flyer – Someone who is regularly taken to the hospital in an ambulance, even though they aren’t sick

(… it’s free and something to do)

House Red – Blood

Insurance Pain – An inordinate amount of neck pain following a minor auto collision with a wealthy driver

MGM Syndrome – A “patient” who is faking illness and putting on a really good show

SYB – Save Your Breath (as in, “SYB, he WNL”)

T&T Sign – Tattoos-and-teeth. (Patients with a lot of tattoos and missing teeth are more likely to survive major injuries)

TMB – Too Many Birthdays (suffering from old age)

TRO – Time Ran Out

WNL – Will Not Listen