Kyle: Ex- Excuse me? My name is... Brad. And I need to report a crime. Anonymously.
Detective 1: Oh? What's the crime?
Kyle: Well, I attend South Park Elementary. And- And one of the teachers is having sex with a student.
Cops: Oh my god! This is terrible.
Detective 1: You did the right thing telling the police, Brad. Now who's the teacher? What's his name?
Kyle: Well, it isn't a guy teacher. It's a woman?
Cop 1: A woman?
Kyle: Yeah. She's having sex with a boy.
Detective 2: Oh. But- But she's ugly, right?
Kyle: Well, no, not really. It's the kindergarten teacher, Miss Stevenson.
Detective 1: The blonde?
Kyle: Yeah.
Cop 1: Some young boy's having sex with Miss Stevenson?
Kyle: Yes.
Cop 1: Nice.
Detective 1: Nice.
Kyle: What?! No, you don't understand!
Cop 1: You sure they've had sex?
Kyle: Yeah!
Detective 1: So, wait. What's the crime?
Cop 1: The crime is, she isn't doin' it with me!
Kyle: Hey! He's totally underage! She's taking advantage of him!
Detective 1: You're right, we're sorry. This is serious. We need to track this student down, and give him his Luckiest Boy in America medal right away.
Kyle: Aagh!