Posted on 08/17/2007 7:53:02 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Computer Problem Report Form
1. Describe your problem: ____________________________________________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately: ________________________________________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: ________________________________________________________________
4. Problem Severity: A. Minor__ B. Minor__ C. Minor__ D. Trivial__
5. Nature of the problem: A. Locked Up__ B. Frozen__ C. Hung__ D. Strange Smell__
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
10. Have you had "a friend" who "Knows all about computers" try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__
11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__
12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe__ No__
14. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself. __________________________________________________________
17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred? ____________________________________________
l8. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were logged in? _______________________________________________________
l9. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What's a VCR?__
21. Do you have a copy of 'PCs for Dummies'? Yes__ No__
22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__
23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__
24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__
25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__
26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet__
27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes__
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
~ Marilyn Pittman
Believe it or not, I was actually thinking of buying something like this when I was pregnant for my first child. Got put to bed early in the pregnancy and still needed to work.
LOL Thats looks like my boy last night.
(It was bath night)
Are you the weakest link?
Answer them immediately. No pencil or paper! OK? Let’s find out just how smart and clever you really are. Ready? ... GO!!!
FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
ANSWER: If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don’t take as much time as you took for the first question. (You know you took too much time.)
SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
ANSWER: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!
THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
ANSWER: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don’t believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
LAST QUESTION: Mary’s father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
ANSWER: Nunu? Nana? Nene? NONO! Of course not. The fifth daughter’s name is Mary. Read the question again.
_____
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered the late teens the girls dated and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said “ Hi, my name’s Joe, I’m here for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?” The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said “ My name’s Eddie, I’m here for Betty, we’re gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?” Father felt this one was ok too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door.
The boy started off
“Hi, my name’s Chuck “..... and the farmer shot him.
When you have an “I hate My Job” day, try this.
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock the doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer: carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun begins.
Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement, “Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested.” Now, close you eyes and repeat out loud five times, ‘I’m so glad I do not work in thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson.”
Have a nice day and remember, there is always someone else with a job that is more of a pain in the a** than yours........
ARE YOU A GOOD JUDGE OF CHARACTER?
BY LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF A PERSON YOU HAVE TO DECIDE IF HE IS A PROGRAM LANGUAGE INVENTOR OR A SERIAL KILLER.
Remember, there’s a fine line between computer geek and serial killer.....
See http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz/
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 Bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet of silver in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
12. 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
13. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbird
14. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
15. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
16. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
17. 10 rations = 1 decoration
18. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
19. 4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
20. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision!
I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5
minutes. When I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking
ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a
guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-wielding Nazi. He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called him a piece
of dirt.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the
first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about
20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I
didn't care! My car was parked around the corner.
I try to have a little fun each day. It's important at my age.
I own...
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