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MORFORD: The Great Hello Kitty Humiliation
San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 8/10/7 | Mark Morford

Posted on 08/10/2007 8:04:36 AM PDT by SmithL

Late for work? Hello Kitty! Cheat on your taxes? Hello Kitty! Kill some guy? Hello Kitty!

Those Thai police, they know what for. Those bad-boy coppers know how to stick it straight to your fragile manly ego and twist that knife until you bleed and scream and whimper like an itty-bitty wide-eyed freckle-faced twinkle-toed girl. Oh yes they do.

It's all about the fear, baby. All about the dire threat to the macho self-esteem. See, those cops have figured out what hunky men just like themselves really dread, and it turns out it's not gay sex and it's not peeing in public restrooms and it's not having it openly revealed to the world that you enjoy some nice chilled sake on a hot summer day and maybe the occasional pedicure and some overpriced French lip balm and copious amounts of dark rum to numb the savage giddy dread accompanying the quiet meltdown of the entire newspaper industry. Or maybe that's just me.

No, what real men truly fear is, of course, unfathomably insane levels of gut-wrenching, eyeball-gouging, unicorn-in-a-rainbow girly-girl cuteness, particularly in the form of a tiny insidious white-faced feline cartoon character rumored to have been scientifically designed by encephalitic rat-demons in nefarious underground torture labs to turn Japanese schoolgirls into giggly murderous sociopaths and drive the rest of the world utterly insane with its menacing mouthless meta-cuteness, its sour-urine scent of pure evil, its global status as The Terror That Will Not Die.

We speak, quite naturally, of Hello Kitty, perhaps the most unspeakably evil icon of horrific cuteness since that time My Little Pony and Smurfette had a dirty threesome with a Cabbage Patch Kid at Circus Circus back in '98, resulting in a mutant bastard offspring so repulsively adorable the U.S. government...

(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...


TOPICS: Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: hellokitty; hurtme; metrosexuals; morford; morfordite; spankme
Morfordite Alert!

`nuf said

1 posted on 08/10/2007 8:04:42 AM PDT by SmithL
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To: SmithL
Now, I am having Flashback of Japan....must fight the evil


2 posted on 08/10/2007 8:10:11 AM PDT by darkwing104 (Let's get dangerous)
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To: SmithL

Moford is just upset that he didn’t get the “female” role in this Filipino prison music video.


3 posted on 08/10/2007 8:20:15 AM PDT by Incorrigible (If I lead, follow me; If I pause, push me; If I retreat, kill me.)
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To: Incorrigible

Morford is just upset that he didn’t get the “female” role in this Filipino prison music video.

It would help if I posted the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMnk7lh9M3o


4 posted on 08/10/2007 8:20:51 AM PDT by Incorrigible (If I lead, follow me; If I pause, push me; If I retreat, kill me.)
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To: AdmSmith; Berosus; Convert from ECUSA; dervish; Ernest_at_the_Beach; Fred Nerks; KlueLass; ...
Those bad-boy coppers know how to stick it straight to your fragile manly ego and twist that knife until you bleed and scream and whimper like an itty-bitty wide-eyed freckle-faced twinkle-toed girl.
And is Morford going back? Hell yes he is!!!
5 posted on 08/11/2007 8:24:29 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (Profile updated Saturday, August 11, 2007. https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate/)
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To: SunkenCiv

It looks like the Thais are improving on what Sheriff Joe Arpaio did for Arizona. Of course, if anyone tried this in the Middle East, it would be regarded as the worst kind of atrocity.


6 posted on 08/11/2007 9:44:55 AM PDT by Berosus ("The candidates that can't face Fox News can't face Al Qaeda."--Roger Ailes)
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To: Lady Jag

“Kitty” ping


7 posted on 08/11/2007 10:05:06 PM PDT by Seadog Bytes (OPM - The Liberal 'solution' to every societal problem. (Other People's Money))
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