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It is very important to relate to your children, continually, how important for them to realize that all the “stuff” you have was NOT there when you first married... that it was ACCUMULATED over time - as your stability and wealth increased.

I think that lack of understanding that is what has gotten so much of our economy into credit trouble, and possibly (quite likely) into marital trouble. The process of giving dollars that SHOULD be put into saving for the future goodies which will accumulate, instead going into the pockets of the banks, condemns people to never being able to accumulate wealth, and to a life of stagnation.

We have to continually preach this truth to the children who have respect for us (and even those who don’t).

I should write a bit of a follow-up to my request for prayers and suggestions of a couple weeks ago regarding changing my daughter's school. Briefly, I determined early on that I would be taking her out of the Catholic school system at 7th grade (no Catholic high schools within 50 miles) and therefore the question was where to place her for 5th & 6th grade. The choice is continuing the school she's in now, which is over 20 miles from our home and in a different school district, or going into a quite similar (though stronger) Catholic school in our own school district that is only 5 miles away.

After much thought, and writing down all the PROs and CONs, much tended to balance out. Teachers and counselors (I talked to eight!) thought she'd be fine, academics and academic ratings similar, music and sports pluses and minuses each way, after school activities balance out, evening opportunities in communities near the school community different but balance out, no compelling factors when I spoke with her...

Always standing out is that with our life now so totally oriented around the present school district, that ALL of her friends, save one, live over 20 miles away from us. None are in the school district she'll be in at 7th grade. When we spend afternoon/ evening at home, she has zero neighborhood friends now. She doesn't mind her time alone with me, but it would be nice if she had a choice of walking or biking over to someone's house. I didn't see that changing, if she remained in the present school. That would mean that when she entered the Jr.High, she would be utterly alone despite having been raised here all her life. That, added to the complete change of culture from the very gentile atmosphere of the Catholic school and the very Christian friends we now have to the extremely coarse environment I saw at the Jr.High, shifted the balance decidedly. Despite really looking, I saw no similar items shifting it the other way, at least not from the most important point of view of what is best for daughter.

So, I registered this week for her going to the other school for 5th grade. On Thursday, she spent the day there, and it went OK (I lurked there during the afternoon, observing the classroom)... She'll be accepted just fine, she'll do just fine. There will be adjustments, of course, for her to make, but I saw no major problems.

Since the "new school" is on the other side of our home from where I work, I'll be having to drive an extra 10 or more miles 1-2x/day. Probably will entail some extra child care costs the next two years, at least. It will definitely mean needing to coordinate with her mom about visiting times, and given that mom is in total opposition to this decision, that will be a great challenge. I said above, "I saw no similar items shifting it the other way, at least not from the most important point of view of what is best for daughter", but there definitely are items that would have shifted it if the parents' comfort was the most important part of this equation.

In addition to her changing friends and operating communities, though, I will be doing the same over the next years... I'll change the church we attend to the one of the new school (it is about the closest to us anyway), we'll probably change piano teacher, etc... as my life has also been oriented around the community where I worked, and she was going to school. We'll be reorienting toward the new church, school, and our home rather than the area I work. Going to be major shifts for both of us, but I'm sure this is the right thing to attempt now.

I thank you all for considering and reading, commenting both on threads and privately to me, and the prayers.

Oh: the other clinching factor that I only realized because of the discussion with all of you, and possibly the most critical factor of all:

Now, at this age, my daughter is quite accepting of my parental authority and that I'll do my best to make this decision in her best interest. Two years from now, who knows the fight I may have had with her!

Without you FRiends, I may not ever have had that most important insight. Thank you all.