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So, what plans do you have for April Fools Day? Share your jokes or pranks from the past, present and future... Tell us what April Fools Day means to you. And let's not forget to have a little fun at all the fools in the worlds, expense. HA!
Viking kitties on the way. I'll try to call them off but if I can't you may feel a mild tingle in a few minutes. :-)
"As your "duly" elected president I demand my stuff! Don't I get any stuff? Bill got stuff, but I like other kinds of stuff than Bill likes? Where's my snap-on tools? I think I see some unsuspecting stuff prancing down the hallway!"
Come on : Tell the truth , you got Rosie O'Donnell to write that didnt you.?
It sounds just like her last appearance on the View.
Furthermore she believes it.
Did you know she has sex with the same foul mouth she spouts her hate from. She should have love tattooed on her upper lip and hate tattooed on the lower.
And now, a picture of a bikini blond with a pancake on her head.
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me
And there you are,
sitting on your ass,
at your computer, reading jokes on Free Republic.
Nice. Real nice
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A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the husband out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he is in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He has probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he could kill us both. Be strong, honey I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey... I love you, too.
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Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain!
1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with you right hand.
Your foot will change direction.
And there's nothing you can do about it!
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an
Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your
wife," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news,
some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to
hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news
first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we
found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's
the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-
five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the
great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."
Thanks for the ping.
A recent survey revealed that the average American walks 900 miles per year.
Another survey revealed that the average American consumes 20 gallons of beer per year.
Conclusion: The average American gets 45 miles per gallon.
Howdy!
Morning peeps!
Absent and unaccounted for.
Let's Go Mets! Alluha Akbar! World Series or jihad!
