Jackson had many nicknames: Old Jack, Old Blue Light, given to him by the men because of the intensity of his blue gray eyes before battle, or the ever popular Stonewall. Before the war began his students at the Virginia Military Institute called him Tom Fool, but never to his face. For ten years he taught both Natural and Experimental Philosophy and the Arts and Sciences of War at the West Point of the South. He was unpopular with the students for he was a rigid and humorless man. His lectures were wooden and excruciatingly dull -- to be endured rather than enjoyed. His strict sense of right and wrong only complicated the relationship with his young charges. When faced with a disobedient student, he was inflexible and harsh in his punishments. Rules were rules and duty was duty. Major Jackson, as the town of Lexington at the upper end of the Shenandoah Valley knew him, was noted and teased more for his eccentricities than for any military brilliance.
Jackson was born on January 21, 1824, in the western portion of Virginia that had remained faithful to the Union at the start of the war and was even now in the process of forming a new state. Orphaned at the age of seven, he lived with his Uncle Cummins at Jackson Mill, a grist mill situated at the mergence of Freeman’s Creek into the West Fork River. Uncle Cummins proved to be a carefree guardian whose sense of right and wrong was the polar opposite of his nephew.
Young Tom managed the best he could with no strict rules to follow and no male role model to emulate. He went to school when there was a teacher willing to endure the unruly children of the neighboring communities but mostly he taught himself. He was good at math and realized early that education was the key to a better life. Jackson aimed to go to West Point, the prestigious military academy on the Hudson River in New York.
Candidates for West Point were nominated by the Secretary of War on the recommendation of members of Congress. Jackson made his application to his representative but Congressman Hays chose another deserving candidate. It did not take that candidate long to discover West Point was not the ideal place for his talents. When Jackson learned that his competitor was home with no plans to return to the academy, he wasted very little time. Hurrying through town he collected a series of personal endorsements from local dignitaries and leaders. He rushed to Washington City and argued his case before Hays who immediately took him to see the Secretary of War. Disarmed by Jackson’s initiative and persuasiveness, the Secretary gave him the spot.
Never was a student so ill-prepared for the academic rigors of West Point. He barely passed the entrance exam and began his career among the “Immortals,” those students confined to the bottom of the class rankings. When he stood at the chalkboard agonizing to solve the difficult mathematical equations, he erased and erased his work so often his gray uniform was turned white with chalk dust, while rivers of sweat poured down his face.
Among his school books he carried a small notebook filled with personal maxims. The one he lived by was simple. “You can be whatever you resolve to be.” He resolved to be an excellent student.
Never going on to the next lesson without understanding the preceding one, at night he would pile coal high in the fire place and lying prone before the grate would study well into the early morning while his roommates snored beside him. His progress was amazing. Upon graduation, he ranked seventeenth out of fifty-nine students in the class of 1846, a class historians have called the greatest ever graduated from the academy. His peers commented that if West Point was a five year program instead of four, Cadet Jackson would have graduated first in his class.
Be gentle with me! And don't mind the grammar.
That was very good, in my humble opinion. Were I an editor, I might have flagged one or two uses of the past tense. But from a reader's standpoint, it was engaging and moved well.
Holy Smokes! You're writing a biography!
If that's your purpose, fine...but otherwise you've got to learn to show and not tell. Don't tell us what Jackson's childhood was like, write a vignette from it. Don't lecture us about Jackson's lectures...put us in the mind of a VMI cadet who's sitting through one. Don't talk to us about how Jackson was teased...show us a scene in which it happens.
Please.
Piqued, I Googled this (civilwar.com/jackbio):
” Next to Robert E. Lee himself, Thomas J. Jackson is the most revered of all Confederate commanders. A graduate of West Point (1846), he had served in the artillery in the Mexican War, earning two brevets, before resigning to accept a professorship at the Virginia Military Institute. Thought strange by the cadets, he earned “Tom Fool Jackson” and “Old Blue Light” as nicknames.
Upon the outbreak of the Civil War he was commissioned a colonel in the Virginia forces and dispatched to Harpers Ferry where he was active in organizing the raw recruits until relieved by Joe Johnston. His later assignments included: commanding lst Brigade, Army of the Shenandoah (May - July 20, 1861); brigadier general, CSA June 17, 1861); commanding 1st Brigade, 2nd Corps, Army of the Potomac July 20 - October 1861); major general, CSA (October 7, 1861); commanding Valley District, Department of Northern Virginia (November 4, 1861 - June 26, 1862); commanding 2nd Corps, Army of Northern Virginia June 26, 1862-May 2, 1863); and lieutenant general, CSA (October 10, 1862).
Leaving Harpers Ferry, his brigade moved with Johnston to join Beauregard at Manassas. In the fight at 1st Bull Run they were so distinguished that both the brigade and its commander were dubbed “Stonewall” by General Barnard Bee. (However, Bee may have been complaining that Jackson was not coming to his support). The 1st Brigade was the only Confederate brigade to have its nickname become its official designation. That fall Jackson was given command of the Valley with a promotion to major general.”
And here is yours:
“Jackson had many nicknames: Old Jack, Old Blue Light, given to him by the men because of the intensity of his blue gray eyes before battle, or the ever popular Stonewall. Before the war began his students at the Virginia Military Institute called him Tom Fool, but never to his face. For ten years he taught both Natural and Experimental Philosophy and the Arts and Sciences of War at the West Point of the South. He was unpopular with the students for he was a rigid and humorless man. His lectures were wooden and excruciatingly dull — to be endured rather than enjoyed. His strict sense of right and wrong only complicated the relationship with his young charges. When faced with a disobedient student, he was inflexible and harsh in his punishments. Rules were rules and duty was duty. Major Jackson, as the town of Lexington at the upper end of the Shenandoah Valley knew him, was noted and teased more for his eccentricities than for any military brilliance.
Jackson was born on January 21, 1824, in the western portion of Virginia that had remained faithful to the Union at the start of the war and was even now in the process of forming a new state. Orphaned at the age of seven, he lived with his Uncle Cummins at Jackson Mill, a grist mill situated at the mergence of Freeman’s Creek into the West Fork River. Uncle Cummins proved to be a carefree guardian whose sense of right and wrong was the polar opposite of his nephew.
Young Tom managed the best he could with no strict rules to follow and no male role model to emulate. He went to school when there was a teacher willing to endure the unruly children of the neighboring communities but mostly he taught himself. He was good at math and realized early that education was the key to a better life. Jackson aimed to go to West Point, the prestigious military academy on the Hudson River in New York.
Candidates for West Point were nominated by the Secretary of War on the recommendation of members of Congress. Jackson made his application to his representative but Congressman Hays chose another deserving candidate. It did not take that candidate long to discover West Point was not the ideal place for his talents. When Jackson learned that his competitor was home with no plans to return to the academy, he wasted very little time. Hurrying through town he collected a series of personal endorsements from local dignitaries and leaders. He rushed to Washington City and argued his case before Hays who immediately took him to see the Secretary of War. Disarmed by Jackson’s initiative and persuasiveness, the Secretary gave him the spot.
Never was a student so ill-prepared for the academic rigors of West Point. He barely passed the entrance exam and began his career among the “Immortals,” those students confined to the bottom of the class rankings. When he stood at the chalkboard agonizing to solve the difficult mathematical equations, he erased and erased his work so often his gray uniform was turned white with chalk dust, while rivers of sweat poured down his face.
Among his school books he carried a small notebook filled with personal maxims. The one he lived by was simple. “You can be whatever you resolve to be.” He resolved to be an excellent student.
Never going on to the next lesson without understanding the preceding one, at night he would pile coal high in the fire place and lying prone before the grate would study well into the early morning while his roommates snored beside him. His progress was amazing. Upon graduation, he ranked seventeenth out of fifty-nine students in the class of 1846, a class historians have called the greatest ever graduated from the academy. His peers commented that if West Point was a five year program instead of four, Cadet Jackson would have graduated first in his class.”
Note how yours focuses on his youth while the former begins with a meaty description of a strong grown man; brief and business-like we march with him through his career and are primed to follow what lay before him, us and history itself.
Don’t blame me, blame my tagline...