Posted on 03/23/2007 11:44:31 AM PDT by Eleutheria5
I know who said that: George Bernard Shaw.
Now, you are an official member. :)
Nutworth: Hiya, chief!
Teacher: Hi there, Nutworth. What's up?
Nutworth: It's a direction.
Teacher: Huh? Excuse me?
Nutworth: You know, a direction. Like 'left,' 'forward,' or 'out the door.'
Teacher: But when did I...Oh, I get it. I asked you "What's up."
Nutworth: It's still a direction.
Teacher: Nutworth!
Nutworth: It's not a trick question, is it? Because if I need to think about the answer, I can.
Teacher: No, it's not a trick question. I just asked "What's up." It's a figure of speech!
Nutworth: Really? All this time I thought it was a direction!
Teacher: Somehow I don't think we're communicating.
Nutworth: You mean I've got the wrong idea?
Teacher: Well, I just think you're thinking about it the wrong way.
Nutworth: The wrong way? See, it IS a direction!
Teacher: Now what did I say?
Nutworth: You said "the wrong way." The wrong way is a direction, just like up is!
Teacher: Nutworth, you're not getting it. When I say "What's up," I don't want to know what 'up' is. I already know what 'up' is.
Nutworth: Well then why ask it?
Teacher: Why ask what?
Nutworth: What's up?
Teacher: [pause] Oh, nothing much. What's up with you?
Nutworth: Chief, sometimes I just don't understand you.
Teacher: You can say THAT again!
Nutworth: Okay. 'Chief, sometimes I just don't understand you.'
Teacher: Um...how about we just skip it...
What I like about it is it works when you first hear it. The conversation is funny and engaging.
But it also works well as you think about it later on. The fact that I thought about it an hour after I read it shows its strength.
Nutworth, in saying up is a direction shows a grasp of language that I got but didn't not until I thought that the teacher really did ask what is up?
Clever... Kind of like a cartoon that was displayed on the bulletin board when I was in fourth grade. It was a school wide contest to explain the joke. Donald Duck went into a diner advertised as Mama's Home Cooking. Donald eats something and spits it out in disgust. He complains about the quality and when he does, the waiter points to the sign and says, "Like the sign says, Mama's Home Cooking." The whole school went into a frenzy trying to explain why the food was bad. The problem was, we got stuck in seeing the 's as possessive and not a contraction.
Nutworth did the same thing. I read What's up - but rarely do I form the actual sentence - what is up?
I like clever writing in shapes and forms.
Who's on first?
I don't know.
Third base.
First through fourth graders, though half of them don't get it the first time through.
My wife likes to say that I write these mostly to amuse myself. I have to admit she has a point.
OH yeah. I've traded on that pretty hard in two scripts in particular. In the first one, a friend of Nutworth's has three kids that are driving him crazy...their names are Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. In that episode Somebody hit a ball through a window. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody confessed to it. (After that intro, the jokes just kind of write themselves.)
Can you freepmail me that script. I would like to read it.
Say the secret word...
When I’m home, I’ll paste it into a freepmail for you. There’s a second one, too, in which the three kids are joined by their cousin, Everybody.
I'll bite..."the secret word"!
I want to read the second one also.
These are part of a children's church curriculum. Think of it as drama-based Sunday School. We've got two full years of lessons written, or about 105 lessons at ten pages apiece. It's been a long road.
On the other hand, it provides lots of opportunities to recycle old jokes. I'm certainly not proud:
BB Blue: Somebody call me a cab!
Teacher: Okay, you're a cab.
Then again, the biblical perspective provides fresh new fodder for humor, such as when we're talking about the Ten Lepers and Nutworth thinks it's about ten leopards:
Teacher: No, we're talking about leprosy. Hansen's disease. It starts out as spots on the skin.
Nutworth: Spots?!? That's leopards, all right! It's no wonder nobody wanted 'em around!
Lee and Jackson stepped outside to be greeted by Stuart’s clear tenor.
“We’re the boys who went around McClellan…
“Went around McClellan…”
McGuire hailed the generals from across the yard.
“Went around McClellan…
“We’re the boys who went around McClellan…”
“Bully boys, hey!
“Bully boy, ho!
“Well, he sounds as if he is getting better,” Lee remarked to McGuire as he joined them.
“If you want to have a good time, jine the cavalry!
“Jine the cavalry!
“Jine the cavalry!
“Yes, he is better. I do wish he would choose a different song though. He has been singing that one non-stop for the past hour,” McGuire said shaking his head in mock disgust.
“If you want to catch the Devil…
"If you want to have fun…
"If you want to smell Hell…
“What is his prognosis, Doctor?” Jackson asked.
Jine the cavalry!”
“He is going to be fine. He is very weak though you would not know that by listening to him. He is going to need plenty of bed rest. And bed rest does not mean sitting in a saddle. It means he is lying flat on his back in bed. I do not want those wounds reopening.”
“We’re the boys who crossed the Potomicum…
“Crossed the Potomicum…
“He does have a fine singing voice,” the tone deaf Jackson observed.
“Crossed the Potomicum…
“We’re the boys who crossed the Potomicum…
“Bully boys hey!
“Bully boys ho!”
“If you want to have fun, jine the cavalry!
“Jine the cavalry!” Came the echo from the surrounding tents.
“Jine the cavalry!” Stuart sang back to them.
“If you want to catch the Devil…
“If you want to have fun…
“If you want to smell Hell…
“Jine the cavalry!” Lee sang joining in on the fun.
“Can we see him? Jackson asked Doctor McGuire.
“Please do, then perhaps he will hush.”
Stuart was winding up for the third verse when they entered the small tent.
“Are we interrupting?” Lee asked.
“I am so very glad to see you. You have saved me from my boredom. I do not know if I can lie still as Doctor McGuire has ordered me to. I do not think it is in my nature,” He was still very pale and did not have strength to do more than complain about his plight.
“Well, you gave us quite a fright, so I must insist that you listen very carefully to Doctor McGuire and do everything he says, even if it is against your nature,” Lee gently rebuked him.
“But no one comes to see me!”
“That simply is not true,” McGuire said coming into the tent. He bore a small tray containing a vial of medicine and a glass of water. “Why just last night Major von Borcke and Sam Sweeney entertained us to all hours of the evening. You had yourself quite a little hootenanny, which kept many of the patients up well past their bedtimes. General Pickett has come to see you and so have General Early and General Pender. General Hill has sent three runners asking about your condition. So, take your medicine and stop your complaining.”
“More medicine,” He grumbled but he dutifully drank it. He grimaced like a schoolboy at its taste.
“Now, be a good patient,” McGuire implored. “And no more singing!”
“He is just jealous of my fine singing voice,” Stuart quipped as McGuire left the tent. McGuire’s laughter could be heard as he walked away.
In this line you've struck a false note: "He was still very pale and did not have strength to do more than complain about his plight."
I would avoid narration here, and go with something more like "He was very pale. A fine sheen of sweat made his forehead gleam in the lamplight."
"He did not have strength..." involves the narrator giving you a value judgment about Stuart's condition. "A fine sheen of sweat" merely tells you what's there, and lets the reader judge his condition accordingly: The singing is as strenuous a task as he can manage.
As I said, a quibble. The difference may be entirely stylistic.
I only want to be a better writer, so I welcome all advice.
I can already see an improvement in the novel from the helpful hints I have absord here.
A ping for one and all.
Wasn’t the ‘Who’s on First’ routine an Abbott and Costello gag? ... You guys have me confused.
My father had a record album of comedy radio broadcasts and I memorized two by heart when I was 12. Who's on first - I was Abbott. Then I memorized a You Bet Your Episode with Groucho Marx. Except I was Ernie Kovacs because he was funny as a contestant.
Whew... long explanation, but I hope that clears up the confusion.
Now, back to International Law and the Treaty of 1740 and the Treaty of Küçük Kaynarca and how these two treaties became the flashpoint for the Crimean War.
“Now, back to International Law and the Treaty of 1740 and the Treaty of Küçük Kaynarca and how these two treaties became the flashpoint for the Crimean War.” ... Well that did it! I’m goin’ for coffee.
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