Posted on 03/14/2007 8:50:03 AM PDT by 7thson
You probably think you know what frightens most men. A long-weekend at the in-laws' place. Antiquing. Running out of beer in the third quarter. But that's just the stuff he'll admit to being afraid of, which, by definition, means they're not his true deep fears. So how can you determine what those are? Easy: They're the ones he'll almost never talk about. But I will.
Let's count down through the Scary Fifteen:
#15 Hair in the drain.
#14 Getting caught noticing another woman.
#13 Rejection.
#12 Super Nanny.
#11 Speedos.
#10 His dad's death.
#9 Her tears.
#8 Being a lousy lover.
#7 Not being a god to his kids.
#6 Living paycheck to paycheck.
#5 Beautiful women.
#4 Getting naked.
#3 Tofurky.
#2 Not seeing his kids grow up.
# 1 Public humiliation.
(Excerpt) Read more at health.yahoo.com ...
TurDuckEn, OTOH, is cause for celebration!
I am afraid of eating anything that includes the word "turd"
Running out of beer and being too drunk to drive out and get more.
And spiders. Not those little ones you see around your house, but the big, hairy bastards. *ugh* Snakes, alligators, lizards, big bugs, rats; I can handle all of those, but spiders creep me the hell out.
Lorena Bobbit
Harm to our genitals is #1.
And DOUBLE YOI!!!
Where on Earth did you find that? Maybe don't tell me. It's sad to know freaks like this hang out in public someplace.
Same place all of this other crap comes from.... on the web somewhere. I saved it for one day when I needed a "special" photo for just such a thread. :)
The depth of freak-ness of that thing does make an impact.
My wife says that once they're big enough that you can see their knees and ankles "articulating", the scream can not be suppressed! :)
I can't tell you now many spiders I've dispatched over the years at bedtime. My daughter always makes a quick spider-survey of the ceiling and walls before she'll go to bed.
LOL!!!
But it's amazing how you'll fold as soon as something that can actually KILL you is threatened. Then the wee-wee goes bye-bye!
I think those big'uns could be scary, but frankly, there's something MORE scary and gross about thin spindly legs and bodies - especially when they're a weird color! We have these weird red-legged things around our house that we find occasionally. Their bodies are grayish and all of it is transparent-like. Transparent is too creepy.
No, most of us would rather have death than harm to our genitals. Most men aren't as scared of death as women. We're realists and it's easier for us to come to terms with the realities of being a living organism that ultimately must die. The hardest part about facing death is the emotional part and we're not very emotional, except about our genitals, of course.
Eh, they're sort of like boobs for you girls. They both get in the way, sure. Except we men are more open to fondling ourselves than you girls, so there's more of a payoff to owning them. Girls need to appreciate their boobs more.
Or a paper clip.
DIVORCE
One time just as summer began, my wife and I came home and saw this monstrous spider on the wall. Both of us thought that it was a toy since it was roughly six inches in diameter. But it wasn't, it was one of those "wood spiders" one occasionally comes across. Creepy, I tell you.
I was talking about THREATS or RISKS, not the natural process of dying or the slow process of a disease. ;-) After all, you were talking about "harm" to something, I'm talking about deliberate harm also.
But our things are merely out in front, totally out of the way of other things - and they certainly do NOT interrupt the actual means of perambulating, the legs. Yours are inbetween as well as in front, and get rubbed - or more importantly, the thighs get rubbed. Kind of awkward if you ask me. ;-)
Boobs get in the way of things. They touch people you don't intend to have bodily contact with. They get in the way of putting on seat belts. They keep women from being able to run freely because they bounce and throw off your balance.
They may not affect the means of walking, but they affect other things, your interaction with your environment.
Taxes
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