[tomkow6]

John was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. 
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning John got up early and left for work. 
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift - wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. 



John has been missing since Friday.

[Soaring Feather]

John has been missing since Friday.

[Lady Jag]

A very drunk man went into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender
served him and asked if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three
in the bullseye and win a prize; only a dollar for three darts. The drunk
agreed and threw the first dart. A bullseye!! He downed another drink,
took aim on wobbly feet, let go... Another bullseye!! Two more quick
drinks went down. Barely able to stand, he let go with the last dart.
A third bullseye!!!

All are astounded. No one had ever won. The bartender searches for a prize.
He grabbed a turtle from the bar's terrarium and presented it to the
drunk as his prize.

Three weeks passed. The drunk returned and ordered more drinks, then
announced he would like to try the dart game again. To the total amazement
and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scored three more bullseyes and
demanded his prize.

The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory,
doesn't recall what prize he had given.

He asked the drunk, "Say, what did you win the last time?"

And the drunk replied, "A roast beef sandwich on a hard roll!"