Posted on 02/15/2007 6:34:03 AM PST by woodbutcher1963
When a man fails to help out around the house, his poor performance might be related to a subconscious tendency to resist doing anything his wife wants, a new study suggests.
Men and women are sure to argue about this one. In fact, the man and woman who led the study disagree on the meaning of the results.
Psychologists have long known about "reactance," the tendency to do the exact opposite of what's requested by a loved one or boss.
• Click here to visit FOXNews.com's Human Body Center.
The new study aimed to find out whether the phenomenon might occur at a subconscious level.
Participants were asked to name a significant person they perceived as controlling their lives, and another who just wanted them to have fun.
Then they were asked to discern words from jumbled letters on a computer screen while the names of the people they had mentioned were flashed subliminally. The names were flashed too quickly to be registered consciously.
(Story continues below)
(Excerpt) Read more at foxnews.com ...
this discussin was not started to degrade women or tell them to STFU. It was to try to find a sensible way to quell problems such as the ones stated before.
And it is continuing because some people don't seem to know the difference between saying "no" to women and degrading them. Feminist influence in the popular culture would have everyone believe they are one and the same, and if you accept that you are playing on the opponent's turf to begin with.
The "purse out of reach" scenario, at our house:
Herself: "When you have a moment, could you help me get something in the closet that's out of my reach?" (A normal sort of request, he knows I hate being up on ladders and even stepstools).
Himself: "Sure, as soon as I finish" (whatever he's doing).
[He shows up after a short delay, I point at what I need in the closet, he reaches it down.]
Herself: (and this is the important part) : "Thank you!"
Himself: "You're welcome."
That is why I asked Jeeves. I guess he seems to think that falling on the floor laughing is the right thing to do.
I want to be harmonious. I want to have a good relationship. But I do not want to feel like a door mat that gets tramped all over.
That's putting the cart before the horse. She needs to be afraid to use passive-aggressive manipulation tactics against you. And she needs to understand clearly that you will help her pack her bags if it continues. Once she is afraid of acting like a spoiled brat and develops a genuine respect for you, she won't be afraid to ask you anything.
If, on the other hand, she acts offended at the very idea that she will have to respect you as an equal (and too far many culturally-conditioned women think exactly this way these days) then you know what you are dealing with. There is no improvement possible, and it's time to end the relationship.
I see nothing wrong with that.
I would gladly help my wife if she couldn't do it.
I told her a long time ago that I will sell my soul and break my back to do anything she asks me to do.
And I will fight tooth and nail to do nothing she TELLS me to do.
Good God, man!
And that's why I think manners are an important part of any relationship, especially a marriage. Too many people think they apply to any relationship EXCEPT a marriage, which should somehow be exempt because of the level of familiarity.
This is news? /s
Good God what???
From what I have read, you need to figure out how to make your wife respect you. ????
That was the whole point. From your posts it seems that that is not one of your "greater qualities".
I want harmony. I want things to go smooth. I do not want to become what she is doing to me. That kind of defeats the purpose.
What? No kiss for him?
In all seriousness, I think your scenario is very fair on both of your parts.
He gets his share. You have to be careful with kisses, though - you never know when you're going to start the "launch sequence". ;-D
I find that the more my wife repeats something, the less likely I am to remember it (especially in a timely manner). Of course, I also find that she doesn't listen to half of what she says either, thus: If it is a woman's prerogative to change her mind, it is a man's prerogative to ignore everything she says. :)
Why is it OK for her to dominate you but not OK for you to dominate her?
I don't think anyone should dominate. A woman should not put up with a dominating husband. "Leave him, send him packing, find someone that respects you"...This is what we tell the women.
By the same token, a man should not put up with a dominating wife. I don't prescribe to that lap-puppy yes-dear crap for one second.
It's called "selective hearing".
I am trying to get her to stop her passive agressive attitude. IMHO, I do not belive you should have to fight dominance with dominance.
That just sends the wrong message.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.