[WFTR]

To answer your later questions, I'd have to say making plans with friends and hanging out with my dog and two cats are how I handle the holidays, Valentine's day, etc. I've spent depressing, bummer holidays alone in the past and basically learned that I had to anticipate and make plans so that I'm not alone and super-lonely. While I can't say I "hate" being single, I also become painfully aware of it sometimes but have learned that I don't have to isolate and be bummed (hanging out with my own bummed-out self has never proven to enhance the loneliness!); I can make plans with friends or babysit or invite other single friends over, etc.

I actually didn't think to ask about strategies for dealing with the holidays as a single person without a current prospect, but the question is worthwhile. Your answer is good as well.

I've not had much luck making big plans, and I've often had better success going the other direction. I tell myself that the day isn't going to be special; I'm going to hurt a little bit because I'm spending the day alone; I can't expect to make the most of that day of my life. Lowering my expectations this way sometimes makes me better prepared for whatever I encounter, and if I'm prepared, I can sometimes still find something worthwhile. Even if I do little more than take a walk and watch a few hours of a "Law and Order Marathon," I've done better than if I'd just sat in bed staring at the four walls.

Bill

[MonicaG]

Thanks. I used to do the same thing; tell myself it would be no big deal, plan on being alone for the holiday, etc., but always found - of course on THE holiday & AFTER having turned down invitations and/or failed to make a plan - the loneliness would come on strong and I'd cry and be alone and feel pretty bummed. A few friends pointed out that we are human and holidays ARE special, though, and suggested that if I "fail to plan, I plan to fail" and somehow that stuck with me, so now I make a plan.

But the best of plans don't always work - this Christmas I totally flaked on going to this one party I'd planned to go to, mainly because the hosts (longtime, dear friends) told me "we want to introduce you to ___" and at the last minute I got intimidated and felt like there was no way I could match up to the good descriptions my friends probably gave that guy - total self-esteem downer moment. So I stayed home and called my best friend and admitted I didn't feel like being "interviewed" as a potential date by the mutual friend, and I felt like that whole scenario would be uncomfortable due to that factor. That was an overreaction - it would have been simple to show up and meet the guy and enjoy everyone else at the party I already knew - but at the time, avoiding it seemed like the thing to do. Yet I remain single, and avoiding that party was part of my contribution to my ongoing single status.

Right now I actually have to go pick up the gift I reserved and go to the b-day party of a newlywed friend - she's sickeningly happy and their apartment is full of sickeningly cute framed "couple" pictures, too (LOL!). Hope you have a nice evening.