"I felt a Funeral in my Brain"

Self | February 3, 2007 | Dickinson, self

[Torie]

I felt a funeral in my brain,
        And mourners, to and fro,
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
        That sense was breaking through.
And when they all were seated,
        A service like a drum
Kept beating, beating, till I thought
        My mind was going numb.
And then I heard them lift a box,
        And creak across my soul
With those same boots of lead,
        Then space began to toll
As all the heavens were a bell,
        And Being but an ear,
And I and silence some strange race,
        Wrecked, solitary, here.
And then a plank in reason, broke,
        And I dropped down and down--
And hit a world at every plunge,
        And finished knowing--then--

Emily Dickenson

[Torie]

My brother has just been diagnosed with Oropharyngeal cancer. He tells me this Dickinson poem had resonance with his own emotions in tying to come to terms with it.

As it happens, my brother composed a symphonic work with two singers, a piano and chello, with this poem as its theme. In the end, the piano trials off into random discordant notes and - - then - - ends. He is now going to go about getting his worked performed in San Francisco, and invite family, friends and colleagues to join him.

There is always a "then" for each of us, but in his case, one of those "then's," for him, is going to be an opportunity for him to "hear" his piece, in other than his own head.

He is going to do it, sooner rather than later - - and if it be so, will finish knowing.

Be good to your troop - - whilst you can. Best.

[onyx]

((( Torie )))

I'm so sorry and you and your cherished brother have my prayers. You're such a dear FRiend to me, I am teary eyed reading the poem of such sweet sentiment.

[Torie]

Thank you. I just got the news this morning. We had a long -- very long -- chat, and it was good. He is in good spirits. His wife is not.

[Dog Gone]

I'm sorry to hear that, Torie. I had to look it up to find out what kind of cancer that was.

I'd like to hear his work, but I'm afraid it would make me sad, too.

Best wishes to both you and him. It can be tough out there.

[johnny7]

My prayers for your brother...

[onyx]

Understandably, she worried sick. My sincere and humble prayers for y'all.

[Torie]

Thank you. His pieces just keep get better and better. He did the music score for a movie my nephew did. I knew before the credits, that he was behind it, but I had assumed he had just selected other works. And then I found it that HE had composed it, as an original score. The piano passages were haunting, and moving. Composing is not his day job, but he has a gift.

[Allegra]

Prayers up for your brother and for you.

[Sunsong]

I am so sorry to hear this. I include you, your brother and his family and loved ones in my prayers.

[pandoraou812]

Prayers for you brother & family ~~Pandora~~

[Mo1]

Sending thoughts and prayers for your brother, you and your entire family

[MS.BEHAVIN]

Prayers lifted for you and your brother,Torie..
Ms.B

[veronica]

Wishing you and your brother strength and faith. How marvelous that he will get to hear his musical creation come to life. FYI - Emily Dickinson's poems have touched many very deeply. The extraordinary writer/poet Anne Morrow Lindbergh entitled her diary, which chronicles the emotions and thoughts she had when her child was kidnapped, "Hour of Gold, Hour of Lead" after the Dickinson poem below. She kept this diary for many months during the events, then put it away for years, only to rediscover it and barely remember writing it. She finally published it in 1973.

After great pain, a formal feeling comes--

The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs--

The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,

And Yesterday, or Centuries before?

The feet, mechanical, go round-

Of Ground, or Air, or Ought--

A Wooden way

Regardless grown,

A Quartz contentment, like a stone--

This is the Hour of Lead--

Remembered, if outlived,

As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow--

First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go.

[VeritatisSplendor]

Prayers for your brother, Torie.

Mrs VS

[Torie]

That is a very deeply moving poem indeed. Dickinson is in a class by herself. However, as the silver lining, it is not time quite yet for Jeff to have a rendevous with that poem.

As I noted elsewhere, and should here, his diagnosis is not now a death sentence, even as it perhaps would have been five years or so ago. He has a fair chance of pulling through, although the next few months will be very unpleasant for him.

Our emotional rock is and will be Jeff's composure, courage, and determination in facing this, as best he can. He told me that his wife told the firm at which he works about the situation, and when he walked into the firm on Friday, everyone was there waitig in the lobby to give him a standing ovation. When Jeff told me this, I cried.

If things go bad, he obviously will be missed by many. In the meantime, we hope for the best.

Thank you all for your kind words of caring and concern. I appreciate it very much.

[veronica]

Great strides are being made in the treatment of this disease and it sounds like your brother has the fortitude, creative spirit and loving support to prevail.

[jwalsh07]

Be good to your troop - - whilst you can. Best.

Wisdom in these words. While I may not have the appreciation for the fine arts that you have, I have a deep appreciation for the sentiment you expressed above my friend.

God be with you and yours always.