Posted on 01/26/2007 1:58:55 AM PST by sully777
I developed a detailed thread topic called "Summer in January", complete with pictures of beautiful people in bathing suits, satellite photos of snow cover in the northern hemisphere, and a fascinating story about 85 inch snow drifts in Denver.
But you're not getting that thread because my computer decided to crash. Instead, you're getting a bare bones, low budget thread held together with duck tape and a prayer.
If you did tha in my neighborhood, I would be forced to kick your butt and shove that bosn whistledown your throat.
Yes, its duct tape!
That is a hoot!!
Aging can really suck!
But as my sister always says (a cancer survivor) the alternative is worse.
My gr-gr-grandmother was supposedly the great niece of Gen. Sam Houston. My bunch were wanderers leaving behind Tennessee, Mississippi, the Carolinas, Arkansas and ending up in Texas and Louisiana.
Dear Alcohol,
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours.
As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed.
The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in
the midst of endless family gatherings.
However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.
While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat hot wings along with a sausage with cheese,onion and mustard (washed down with four Jagerbombs & topped off with a Kit kat after a full bag of Doritos)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this rime.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do something to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken ie water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.
In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,
Your biggest fan
Gorilla Tape cured my son of warts.
We can still choose to age gracefully.
Absolutely, and not taking drugs will sure help the appearance.
Alcohol
Words & music by stephen duffy & steven page
Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party-time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
O alcohol, I still drink to your health
I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
Forget the caffe latte, screw the raspberry iced tea
A malibu and coke for you, a g&t for me
Alcohol, your songs resolve like
My life never will
When someone else is picking up the bill
I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
O alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself
I’ll use something else
I thought that alcohol was just for those with
Nothing else to do
I thought that drinking just to get drunk
Was a waste of precious booze
But now I know that there’s a time
And there’s a place where I can choose
To walk the fine line between
Self-control and self-abuse
I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
Would you please ignore that you
Found me on the floor
Trying on your camisole?
O alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself
I’ll use something else.
Would you please forgive me
Would you please forgive me
If there ever was an image for an anti-drug/alcohol campaign, that pic of Eddie is it.
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