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Road warrior specials (Dave Barry)
Miami Herald ^ | DAVE BARRY

Posted on 01/21/2007 8:37:38 AM PST by nuconvert

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1 posted on 01/21/2007 8:37:39 AM PST by nuconvert
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To: Boxsford; Irish Rose; Ditter; kitkat; Pan_Yans Wife

pong


2 posted on 01/21/2007 8:38:28 AM PST by nuconvert ([there's a lot of bad people in the pistachio business] (...but his head is so tiny...))
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To: nuconvert; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; SandyInSeattle; Darksheare; OSHA; ...
I'll take two.


3 posted on 01/21/2007 8:43:24 AM PST by Slings and Arrows (Tell Tom Vilsack to WEAR THE BEAR!)
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Comment #4 Removed by Moderator

To: nuconvert

A friend of mine had a plan for traffic control where everyone with a driver's license gets three paintballs and a paintball gun for their entire driving life. Folks police the bad drivers themselves. This way, if a cop sees a person with three paintball splots on their car, he can pull `em over and take their license and car away on the spot. It'd also make people more courteous, knowing if you pissed someone off enough, they could splot you and stick you on the bus for the rest of your life.


5 posted on 01/21/2007 8:50:13 AM PST by LibertarianInExile (When personal character isn't relevant to voters or party leaders, Foley happens.)
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To: nuconvert
I aims my car reel good and as it has four wheel drive, i can go at least the speed limit under any conditions.
I nearly always am able to get where I goes.

A few things get to me, an idiot who can't aim there car so well as me.
They have to slow down on ice and snow, so they sometimes get in my way.

The other problem our those dang trees and lite polls that jump out in front of I.
6 posted on 01/21/2007 8:56:02 AM PST by HuntsvilleTxVeteran ("Remember the Alamo, Goliad and WACO, It is Time for a new San Jacinto")
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To: nuconvert

I have had a solution for wrecks from redlight runners for years. When the light changes from amber to red, the cross street light doesn't change to green. There would be a five second delay where all lights on both streets are red.


7 posted on 01/21/2007 8:57:37 AM PST by Shooter 2.5 (Vote a Straight Republican Ballot. Rid the country of dems. NRA)
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To: All

I can speak to the annoyace of the jerk who parks their tiny 300 series bmw (why is it always a bmw?) across TWO parking spaces?

It is generally the same jerk who has kept up their handicapped tag YEARS after their temporary need from a broken leg has looooooong passed.


8 posted on 01/21/2007 9:03:38 AM PST by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: All

This was discussed in the science fiction short story by Lester Del Rey, "Why Johnny Can't Speed."

Essentially you take the right to self defense to the national highway system with 50 cal machine guns, dropable highway mines, rocket launchers, and luxury paint armor.


9 posted on 01/21/2007 9:09:10 AM PST by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: Shooter 2.5

If you watch closely you'll find there already is a small delay of maybe half a second where all the lights are red or at least there is around here.


10 posted on 01/21/2007 9:28:19 AM PST by elmer fudd
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To: Shooter 2.5

"I have had a solution for wrecks from redlight runners for years. When the light changes from amber to red, the cross street light doesn't change to green. There would be a five second delay where all lights on both streets are red."

They do that in Japan. The delay is more like three seconds, though.

What happens is that several cars tailgate the last car that could safely go through, running the red. Then somebody approaching the green slams into the last car at 50.

The only way to stop people from trying to squeak through a changing light is to bring back flogging.


11 posted on 01/21/2007 9:28:39 AM PST by dsc
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To: Shooter 2.5

The idiots in NM would factor that into their bad decision making in about 2 minutes. Once I had two cars in fronot of me proceed through on green, then a car blew through between us.


12 posted on 01/21/2007 9:31:39 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim
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To: nuconvert

my snow tire has a rip on the inside of the tire. How in the world does that happen? I drive a Miata and haven't run over anything that I can remember. Of course I also have a bruise on my tummy and I can't remember why that would be there either.


13 posted on 01/21/2007 9:42:28 AM PST by Mercat
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To: Shooter 2.5
In the sixties Houston experimented with a yellow light that counted down from 9 to 0 before the light changed to red.
This was Almeda road.

Some people 3 blocks away would hit the gas when they saw the light start counting down.
The people with the red would lean to their far left to watch the light count down.
It was removed in about one month after several major and a lot of minor accidents.
14 posted on 01/21/2007 9:51:49 AM PST by HuntsvilleTxVeteran ("Remember the Alamo, Goliad and WACO, It is Time for a new San Jacinto")
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To: longtermmemmory
This was discussed in the science fiction short story by Lester Del Rey, "Why Johnny Can't Speed."

The author was Allan Dean Foster, Del Rey was the publisher just in case anyone wanted to read it. Lovely little story.

15 posted on 01/21/2007 9:54:41 AM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (We must have faith For when it is all said and done, Faith manages. And the impossible is achieved)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear
"Why Johnny Can't Speed" is found in Alan Dean Foster's short story collection "With Friends Like These..." which was published by Del Rey in 1977. The last line of the story excepts it all:

Be safe. Drive Offensively.

16 posted on 01/21/2007 10:57:29 AM PST by JohnBovenmyer
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To: HuntsvilleTxVeteran

Police accident report: " A green light anticipator met a yellow light accelerator." True story, I think.


17 posted on 01/21/2007 11:08:30 AM PST by gas0linealley
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To: longtermmemmory

"I can speak to the annoyace of the jerk who parks their tiny 300 series bmw (why is it always a bmw?) across TWO parking spaces?"

I like when that happens!

I park my work truck jjjuuuuussssttttt far enough away from the drivers door so the occupant of the other car CAN'T get in without actually making contact with my truck. I am then very careful NOT to do any damage to their car (I really am a nice guy) and I exit my truck by sliding over the bench seat and out the passenger door.

It drives these morons up a tree.


18 posted on 01/21/2007 11:24:30 AM PST by taxed2death (A few billion here, a few trillion there...we're all friends right?)
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To: longtermmemmory
Ahhh...Mad Max!

FMCDH(BITS)

19 posted on 01/21/2007 2:01:07 PM PST by nothingnew (I fear for my Republic due to marxist influence in our government. Open eyes/see)
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To: taxed2death

I drive a real little car. When I see some twit parked straddling the line, I park so close to it that I have to jump out my passenger's side. The beauty of it is that since my car is so little, when they pull away, I'm sitting dead center in my spot.


20 posted on 01/21/2007 6:22:39 PM PST by Archangel86
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