Esyay! It'sway Anotherway Idayfray.
Posted on 01/19/2007 12:50:34 AM PST by sully777
Click Pic: Rabbit of Seville
A man walks into a doctor's office and asks the doctor to inspect his leg. The man says, "Here, put your ear to my knee."
The doctor puts his ear to the man's knee and hears very faintly, "Come on, can I have five bucks, just five bucks?"
The doctor steps back in horror, and the man says, "I know, but it gets worse. Put your ear to my shin." The doctor puts his ear to the man's shin and hears very faintly, "Come on, can I have ten bucks, just ten bucks?"
Once again, the doctor stands up, very perplexed. The man then says, "If that surprises you, put your ear to my ankle." The doctor puts his ear to the man's ankle and hears oh so faintly, "Come on, can I have twenty bucks, just twenty bucks?"
The doctor then stands up and says, "Well, I can I make just one conclusion. Your leg is broke in three places."
It turns out that the "Old King Cole" of nursery rhyme fame is loosely based on a 14th century ruler.
The slightly mad monarch is best known for his decree that the entire fiefdom's crop of lettuce be diced and drenched in mayonnaise.
He called it, of course, Cole's Law.
Odds makers think it will be Chicago vs Indianapolis in Superbowl but they also predicted a different championship lineup with the Ravens favored to win the Superbowl
Translations: Southern United States to English
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him
in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother
from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck,
that things gonna catch far."
TARRED - adjective. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."
FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"
GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
Ooooooooopppppppppppppppssssssssssss!!!
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi...You know, I just HATE drawing welfare' I would really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You will have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he will supply all of your clothes. And because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You will also be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy all her sexual urges. And you will be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bull sh**tin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well...you started it."
Band-Aid Brand bandages
100
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