Posted on 01/19/2007 12:50:34 AM PST by sully777
IOTT
great cartoon :)
Leroy and his wife Carol live up north. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Carol goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Carol goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says" We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park... " Then the electric power goes out. Carol is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love & understanding in his voice, like all men who are married to blondes, Leroy says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Al-ay ight-ray! Here's my contribution to the illiness-say!
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete....she is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive C are Unit of a
large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
Picabo, ICU
One day I was doing the dishes and my 3-year old
daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the floor. At one point she said, "Mommy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck
her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy's gonna eat your fingers!" Pretending to eat them before I went back to what I was doing. When I turned around, my daughter was staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and in tears. I said, "What's wrong, honey?" She replied, "What happened to my booger?
Ut-bay ait-way, ere's-they ore-may!
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The second old guy says, "That's OK, It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't
find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does
she look like?"
The second old guy says: "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair,
blue eyes, long legs,
and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"
To which the first old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."
FF (Favorite FReeper) ping....
Hey everyone, it's "AnOldCowhand's" birthday today! Stop in at the O.F.S.T. and wish him a good one!
Subject: The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man's shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact , even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of
the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,
not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see
anything.
14: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
15: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
must remain sober enough to fight.
16: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
17: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking about his choice of beer.
18: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours, except if she's withholding s#x pending your response.
19: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set, and we can hit the showers!
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation
you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime
green, or orange.
25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.
27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.
"Ix-nay on the otten-ray!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3wErtVdkDE&mode=related&search=
Hillbilly Hare (watch it before they remove it again).
I'm sorry, I violate law #26 often....I enjoy watching the women skaters!!!! I love a nice pair of legs that make an @$$ out of themselves.
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