Remove the contractions (I've, we've), looks more professional (I know you're trying to be conversational, but that's a little too casual for a resume cover letter.) Last sentence in 1st paragraph is incomplete. . . change to "These skills will not show up in our employment history . . ." In 2nd paragraph, say "do a little dressage" and remove comma after "dressage" because that makes it a complete phrase. In 3rd paragraph, "experienced" once rather than saying "skilled" twice.
Don't talk about what you don't like to do (e.g. shots). Don't go negative - be positive! It may not even be required, if these are high end Tbreds they'll probably have the vet do it.
And tell them that you've always been interested in working for a professional facility to learn more about the industry . . . NOT that you're going to be competing with them in a few years. You can be truthful without revealing your merely hypothetical future plans. Say you wanted to learn more about the high end to improve your horsemanship skills! (that's my story, and I'm sticking with it!)
That's just my take . . . I've only hired lawyers, never barn help, so what do I know?
Thanks. It's not as formal as an office job and I think the letter should reflect that, but I'll work on some of the language.
I'll never be a competitor for these people. They don't board, they don't do anything but breed and train racehorses. My little 20 stall facility down the road is not even on their radar.
Good critique :)
I think AAM and CD's suggestions were spot on.
But JMO:)
Once again good luck...hope you get it, just so you can tell us all the stories that will go with a job like that:)
Becky