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Health Food Stores Particularly Vulnerable to Alien Attack
Weekly World News ^ | November 17, 2006 | Sam Zess

Posted on 12/20/2006 9:25:39 AM PST by Alex Murphy

WASHINGTON, D.C.--A new security initiative identifies one of the greatest dangers facing Americans today. "Health food stores carry fruits and vegetables exotic enough to be indistinguishable from extraterrestrial strains," said General Edward Nurance. "Even the shopkeepers can't always tell them apart."

"We're ripe for an invasion," he said.

Nurance warned that if alien pods were to pass undetected in the stores, the entire human species could perish and be replaced with the interloping plant life.

"We've been installing cameras and posting undercover guards at many U.S. shops," Nurance said.

"But to be honest, we're not sure what we're looking for," he admitted.

Security experts have increased their intake of ginseng, ginko biloba, and gotu kola in hopes of quickly devising a solution.

In the meantime, Nurance urges reduced consumption of fruits and vegetables for safety.

"Eat lots of dairy, and lots of red meat," he advised.


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Food; Humor; UFO's
KEYWORDS:
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1 posted on 12/20/2006 9:25:41 AM PST by Alex Murphy
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To: Xenalyte; Gamecock; AxelPaulsenJr; Calm_Cool_and_Elected; ksen; Zechariah_8_13; Thinkin' Gal; ...

PTL/HAIR Club PING


2 posted on 12/20/2006 9:26:07 AM PST by Alex Murphy
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To: Alex Murphy

X Files?


3 posted on 12/20/2006 9:30:21 AM PST by conferencecaller (A nation that forgets history is doomed to repeat it.)
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To: Alex Murphy

??

4 posted on 12/20/2006 9:33:20 AM PST by Tatze (Tagline Free since May 2006)
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To: Tatze

Beam me up Scotty.


5 posted on 12/20/2006 9:33:49 AM PST by conferencecaller (A nation that forgets history is doomed to repeat it.)
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To: Alex Murphy

iPod, Alien Pod -- big deal

6 posted on 12/20/2006 9:34:27 AM PST by pikachu (Be alert -- we need more lerts!)
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To: Tatze

"It's either a giant free range brussel sprout, or a large spliff."

7 posted on 12/20/2006 9:36:01 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim
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To: Alex Murphy
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
8 posted on 12/20/2006 9:36:13 AM PST by cripplecreek (Peace without victory is a temporary illusion.)
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To: Alex Murphy

9 posted on 12/20/2006 9:36:33 AM PST by Muleteam1
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To: Alex Murphy

Come quickly Lord Rutabaga!


10 posted on 12/20/2006 9:36:39 AM PST by Jaysun (I've never paid for sex in my life. And that's really pissed off a lot of prostitutes.)
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To: Alex Murphy

We need to militarize space now before these aliens overwhelm our ER rooms and take all the good paying jobs.


11 posted on 12/20/2006 9:37:35 AM PST by staytrue
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To: cripplecreek

somebody's been eating too much wheat germ, is what I think.


12 posted on 12/20/2006 9:38:05 AM PST by conferencecaller (A nation that forgets history is doomed to repeat it.)
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To: conferencecaller

Someone's been smoking to much wheat germ.


13 posted on 12/20/2006 9:39:05 AM PST by cripplecreek (Peace without victory is a temporary illusion.)
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To: Alex Murphy

14 posted on 12/20/2006 9:39:28 AM PST by BossLady (Islamic Motto: We Love Our Women To Death........)
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To: Alex Murphy
I, for one, welcome our new vegetable overlords.
15 posted on 12/20/2006 9:40:58 AM PST by Talking_Mouse (wahhabi delenda est)
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To: cripplecreek

or licked the Jerry Garcia stamp


16 posted on 12/20/2006 9:41:24 AM PST by conferencecaller (A nation that forgets history is doomed to repeat it.)
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To: Alex Murphy

Maybe Bat Boy can save us. Does anyone have a pic?


17 posted on 12/20/2006 9:59:44 AM PST by steve8714 (Isn't Israel a sovereign nation?)
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To: conferencecaller

They'll just be doing the jobs earthlings refuse to do.


18 posted on 12/20/2006 10:00:51 AM PST by steve8714 (Isn't Israel a sovereign nation?)
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To: Alex Murphy

Pods? Pods? Who said Pods?

Extraterrestial food and aliens.

Oh, my gosh.


19 posted on 12/20/2006 10:12:08 AM PST by PeteB570 (Guns, what real men want for Christmas)
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To: Alex Murphy

This durian tastes funny...


20 posted on 12/20/2006 10:27:23 AM PST by coloradan (Failing to protect the liberties of your enemies establishes precedents that will reach to yourself.)
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