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"They appear to have a large, hairy, Japanese newborn. Strange."
Well, here is a description of a Ravenna monster [1513] from a contemporary chronicle:
"Another great wonder was seen in the city of Ravenna, where a monster was born with a horn on his head, the wings of a bat, one foot like a bird of prey, the other like a human foot. It had an eye on its knee, and was of both sexes! It had a mark of 'Y" on its breast, and an appearance of a cross, with a crescent beneath - which signs, according to my lords the philosophers and prognosticators, signify many things!" [Monstrelet chronicle, 3, 229].
So, let my lords the scientology philosophers interpret their "large, hairy Japanese newborn" as well. Indeed, in comparison with the Ravenna one it looks like they got off easily.