Fortunately, my kids principal who is also one of our pastors, had a father who was an alcoholic and is very familiar with it all. He has been a big help.
IN the beginnning, it was very odd because one time he was so drunk in the middle of the morning and demanded that I go out and buy him more. I said no, and he became quite demanding. The kids were there as well. Because I did not know how to deal with it, I went out and bought the stuff.
Awhile later, he would talk poorly about his father and then he broke down and sobbed for a good 15 minutes and admitted what a horrible person he (meaning my husband) was.
A few other times when he was drunk, he would break down to my son and I and told us he made a mess of things, did not know how to end it with other woman because he did not want to hurt her. When we told him of this he totally denied it.
I read not too long ago that alcohol can act as a sort of truth serum. Interesting, if even a little true.
For some people, alcohol releases their inhibitions and they talk more freely than normal.
For others, at a farther stage in their drinking career, drinking can lead to blackouts, where they may seem to others to be functioning, but they're not and they have no memory of anything said or done during that time.
Since we never can tell which is which, a good rule is to pay no attention whatsoever to anything a drunk person says.
Honestly, nothing will change until he stops drinking and even then you would need to change because the whole situation changes.
I would still suggest that even if you don't go to al-anon, you get the daily book. You will get so much insight and understanding, into yourself and into the disease of alcoholism. It is insidious and it affects every facet of your life even when they go through sober periods.
As I said before, I think al-anon saved my life and also my marriage and later my sanity when my son was an active alcoholic. In fact, it was my experience with al-anon that helped me guide my dil through their difficulties. My son has been sober for 8 yrs and my husband 22 and we are going on 36 yrs of marriage. The first 14 yrs gave me an education with the tuition paid in blood, sweat and tears but the last 22 have been wonderful.
I know you are in a hard place and I don't envy you at all because I've been there but know that your life will improve and that you will be stronger for it. Try to find what happiness is there for the taking, the smiles of your children, the support of your friends and take "one day at a time" . Hold on to every good moment and savor it and try not to dwell on the pain and disappointment and only deal with it when you need to. I wish you all the luck in the world and will keep you and your children and your husband in my prayers.