Honestly, nothing will change until he stops drinking and even then you would need to change because the whole situation changes.
I would still suggest that even if you don't go to al-anon, you get the daily book. You will get so much insight and understanding, into yourself and into the disease of alcoholism. It is insidious and it affects every facet of your life even when they go through sober periods.
As I said before, I think al-anon saved my life and also my marriage and later my sanity when my son was an active alcoholic. In fact, it was my experience with al-anon that helped me guide my dil through their difficulties. My son has been sober for 8 yrs and my husband 22 and we are going on 36 yrs of marriage. The first 14 yrs gave me an education with the tuition paid in blood, sweat and tears but the last 22 have been wonderful.
I know you are in a hard place and I don't envy you at all because I've been there but know that your life will improve and that you will be stronger for it. Try to find what happiness is there for the taking, the smiles of your children, the support of your friends and take "one day at a time" . Hold on to every good moment and savor it and try not to dwell on the pain and disappointment and only deal with it when you need to. I wish you all the luck in the world and will keep you and your children and your husband in my prayers.
Another thing we have noticed is that he does not remember things. ANd in the last few months, he will tell the kids that he will be here at 1PM to pick them up, and he does not show up until two hours later!!!
Being on time is one of my peeves but I have noticed the mood swings and the forgetfulness. Not sure if it is just alcohol or a combo of that and drugs.
Gal 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free.......
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Gal 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
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Gal 5:16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
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Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
Gal 5:23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
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2Pe 1:5 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge,
2Pe 1:6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,
2Pe 1:7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.
2Pe 1:8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Oh Father, I hear your instruction.
Your Divine Power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and goodness.....
We must grow up into the full measure and stature of Christ, not children anymore tossed by every wind of doctrine, unable to handle the meat of the Word.
Lord, I need your forgiveness for making excuses, and falling short of what you have empowered me to be.
I determine again to walk by the Spirit.
I know I have the full aid of Heaven.
You are Generous Oh Lord. So Kind and Merciful.
I ask to bear in my life that fruit of the Spirit of self-control.
I thank you for treating me like a Son.
I love you Lord.
You are Jehovah, my Shepherd.
I know that my Redeemer lives,
And ever prays for me;
A token of His love He gives,
A pledge of liberty.
I find him lifting up my head,
He brings salvation near,
His presence makes me free indeed,
And He will soon appear.
He wills that I should holy be,
What can withstand His will?
The counsel of His grace in me
He surely shall fulfill.
Jesus, I hang upon Thy Word;
I steadfastly believe
Thou wilt return and claim me, Lord
And to Thyself receive,
--Charles Wesley
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/s/o/l/soltsher.htm
Speak, O Lord, Thy servant heareth,
To Thy Word I now give heed;
Life and spirit Thy Word beareth,
All Thy Word is true indeed.
Death’s dread pow’r in me is rife;
Jesus, may Thy Word of Life
Fill my soul with love’s strong fervor
That I cling to Thee forever.
Oh, what blessing to be near Thee
And to hearken to Thy voice;
May I ever love and fear Thee
That Thy Word may be my choice!
Oft were hardened sinners, Lord,
Struck with terror by Thy Word;
But to him who for sin grieveth
Comfort sweet and hope it giveth.
Lord, Thy words are waters living
Where I quench my thirsty need;
Lord, Thy words are bread life-giving,
On Thy words my soul doth feed.
Lord, Thy words shall be my light
Through death’s vale and dreary night;
Yea, they are my sword prevailing
And my cup of joy unfailing.
Precious Jesus, I beseech Thee,
May Thy words take root in me;
May this gift from Heav’n enrich me
So that I bear fruit for Thee!
Take them never from my heart
Till I see Thee as Thou art,
When in heav’nly bliss and glory
I shall greet Thee and adore Thee.