[Dominic Harr]

Hi, again, thanks for responding:

And if a man looks at another woman with more interest and joy....even if it's just looking....
Well...The energy that goes into just the look is a dagger through many a woman's heart.
Not logical, just fact.

Forgive me for saying so, but that's what I meant by paying for a woman's insecurity.

Heterosexual men really, really like to look at women. It makes us very, very happy to see women. But since many women are insecure, they misunderstand and see this as a threat. And they punish their men for it.

Women want all men in the world to want them, and only them. Because of their insecurities.

I didn't waste anytime on imagination.

Waste time on imagination? Do you mean that?

I think perhaps this is an important difference of opinion, relevant to this discussion. To me, fantasy is a free, fun form of entertainment. A very *good* thing, to be encouraged.

YMMV, I'm sure.

[xsmommy]

you know, it really can be reduced down further to a more basic problem, than just porn-watching or girl-watching. it is really about sensitivity to, and love for, your significant other. if you know something that you do truly hurts and bothers someone you are involved with but you continue to do it, what does that say to that person? it says, i don't give a good dang about your feelings, i want to do this, it's FUN and it FEELS GOOD. i think it says something about the relationship if that is the case. Now, hildy's point can be accomodated here, as well. Porn watching doesn't bother her, her husband knows it, hence no problem in their marriage. if someone IS bothered by it, and their spouse knows it and is impervious to their feelings, well that is a problem for their marriage. It is not fair to value, or make superior, one wife's attitude over another. it is personal, as all feelings are. Maybe if her husband did something else, it would bother Hildy, but not Najida, in a similar situation.

the bottom line to a healthy, happy and loving relationship is concern for your partner's feelings; that goes both ways. And before someone pipes up and says what about the husband's feelings as far as wanting to watch porn and look at other women? well then there's a cost benefit analysis, is it more important for you to get your rocks off, at the expense of your wife's feelings? Everything is a balancing act in a marriage. The balancing will vary from marriage to marriage, and how you let that balance tip, and how often, will determine the success or failiure of that marriage.

[najida]

LOL!
I actually read and write fantasy.....BTW.

And I have a good imagination.

Just a weird history, that's all.

Again, it isn't insecurity, it's simply focus and energy directed at someone else in a manner that isn't directed at you.

[najida]

Oh, and I was talking about imagining killing my coworker ;)