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you know, it really can be reduced down further to a more basic problem, than just porn-watching or girl-watching. it is really about sensitivity to, and love for, your significant other. if you know something that you do truly hurts and bothers someone you are involved with but you continue to do it, what does that say to that person? it says, i don't give a good dang about your feelings, i want to do this, it's FUN and it FEELS GOOD. i think it says something about the relationship if that is the case. Now, hildy's point can be accomodated here, as well. Porn watching doesn't bother her, her husband knows it, hence no problem in their marriage. if someone IS bothered by it, and their spouse knows it and is impervious to their feelings, well that is a problem for their marriage. It is not fair to value, or make superior, one wife's attitude over another. it is personal, as all feelings are. Maybe if her husband did something else, it would bother Hildy, but not Najida, in a similar situation.

the bottom line to a healthy, happy and loving relationship is concern for your partner's feelings; that goes both ways. And before someone pipes up and says what about the husband's feelings as far as wanting to watch porn and look at other women? well then there's a cost benefit analysis, is it more important for you to get your rocks off, at the expense of your wife's feelings? Everything is a balancing act in a marriage. The balancing will vary from marriage to marriage, and how you let that balance tip, and how often, will determine the success or failiure of that marriage.

i would be remiss if i did not add in here the wife's responsibility to her husband's feelings, should she continually reject his sexual advances because of fatigue and being overwhelmed by motherhood. No doubt about it, there are going to be times you are going to be tired and not in the mood when your husband wants to make love. but if you keep in mind your husband's feelings in your cost benefit analysis-- how tired am i, versus the benefit to our marriage of having my husband feeling loved and desired, and not frustrated and rejected and the constant second fiddle to our kids... you can strike the proper balance and keep the marriage on good terms til the kids are bigger and you actually FEEL like doing it more : ) It seems to me that marriage breakdowns result from one or both sides no longer being willing or able to be concerned about the other party's feelings and concerns. i see women putting their own feelings ahead of their spouse's in regards to sex, as equally as problematic as porn viewing by the husbands, when it comes to marriages coming apart.

Exactly...

Porn no...

But going away for a weekend with the boys, watching sports, burping, farting, beer drinking, dirty bathrooms, spending hours on projects, buying boats, bikes, being quite and withdrawn at times, not doing household repairs, not cutting grass, not taking out trash etc don't make one bit of nevermind to me.

Really. :)