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MORFORD: Attention Liberals: Please Breed
San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/29/6 | Mark Morford

Posted on 09/29/2006 6:23:35 AM PDT by SmithL

Conservatives are outbirthing libs by a wide margin. How soon can you get knocked up?

Let this be your rallying cry. Let it be your new hot-button topic, a raw naked condomless blog-ready wildfire underground grassroots crusade, your juiciest of incentive programs, your inspired call to hot naked impregnable sperm-a-riffic action.

Because the statistics are ugly, getting uglier: Despite all divine hope and prayer to the contrary, it looks like baby-happy conservatives are outbreeding liberals by a margin of some 20 to 40 percent.

It's a fact. It's a trend. It's an onslaught. It's a dreadful soul-curdling predicament and the reasons for the Republican baby blitz are myriad, having to do with the lethal Christian belief that God really wants big narcotized families and birth control is a sin and, well, what the hell else are social conservatives gonna do with all that oily Halliburton stock and Lockheed Martin profit? Donate to charity? Buy some Implanon? Save the planet? Ha.

It is, as you can imagine, a looming catastrophe. But I am here to help. I am here to inspire the resistance, to propose solutions to this disastrous fertility gap and to help get liberals into the sack sans protection so they may go forth and multiply the number of people who adore "The Daily Show" and read actual books and think Aaron Sorkin is some sort of god.

Let me make the first offer right now: For every concerned well-educated progressive who reads this very column and agrees to have a child or two (instead of the increasingly common liberal alternative of, you know, getting a dog),

(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...


TOPICS: Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: missmorford; moonbat; morfordite; naturalselection; sandinvagina
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Morfordite Alert

`nuf said

1 posted on 09/29/2006 6:23:35 AM PDT by SmithL
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To: SmithL

We're having more children because we don't abort them.


2 posted on 09/29/2006 6:25:20 AM PDT by Bosco (Remember how you felt on September 11?)
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To: SmithL

The Morford Creature has correctly identified that libs are dying of old age, but it's too late to do anything about it. Other than that, the usual Morford psychosis.


3 posted on 09/29/2006 6:26:02 AM PDT by JamesP81 (The answer always lies with more freedom; not less)
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To: Bosco
We're having more children because we don't abort them.

And because we're not promoting homosexual marriage as a better alternative to traditional marriage.
4 posted on 09/29/2006 6:26:42 AM PDT by JamesP81 (The answer always lies with more freedom; not less)
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To: Bosco
We're having more children because we don't abort them.

And unlike the liberals, we know that tab A goes into slot B.

Regards, Ivan

5 posted on 09/29/2006 6:28:19 AM PDT by MadIvan (I aim to misbehave.)
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To: SmithL; Tax-chick
What would Morford know about birthin' no babies? Females of any species are the one thing he won't do.

Anyway, nice to see that Marky Mark is suddenly realizing the fact that while he and his Sodom Cramcrisco friends have been calling us red-staters "breeders" and sneering at us for shopping at Costco with our giant jars of mayo and baby strollers and Suburbans (or, in Tax-chick's case, the giant van of doom)...we've been having nice happy married Biblically-sanctioned sex and making babies. And those babies will (God willing) grow up to be good Americans, and take the country back from the Morfordites.

Have fun being consigned to the San Francisco Liberal Reservation and Wildlife Park in forty years, you flaming poof. Not that you'll live that long at the rate you're going.

}:-)4

6 posted on 09/29/2006 6:30:33 AM PDT by Moose4 (They caught me white and nerdy.)
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To: SmithL
The end of the path of self loathing is simple. If you don't love yourself, your neighbor, and the world, you won't see the point of bringing anyone into it. If your people lack that love, then I have no sympathy for you.

As the line from Fight Club goes "I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save it's species."

7 posted on 09/29/2006 6:30:50 AM PDT by Steel Wolf (As Ibn Warraq said, "There are moderate Muslims but there is no moderate Islam.")
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To: SmithL

Liberals are contracepting, aborting, and buggering themselves out of existance.

The future is bright indeed.


8 posted on 09/29/2006 6:31:45 AM PDT by NeoCaveman (The race is on http://BlackwellvStrickland.blogspot.com (now linked on RealClearPolitics.com))
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To: SmithL

I do love irony.


9 posted on 09/29/2006 6:32:41 AM PDT by mainepatsfan
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To: SmithL

Of course, what Morford is really saying is forget marriage. Just keep having sex and making babies out of wedlock, so they can spend their lives on welfare and vote Democrat.


10 posted on 09/29/2006 6:43:42 AM PDT by shekkian
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To: SmithL

Is it possible that liberals are too repulsive to have sexual relations with?


11 posted on 09/29/2006 6:47:01 AM PDT by Niteranger68 (I gigged your peace frog.)
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To: SmithL

The liberal method of reproduction is called public education. They're after our children.


12 posted on 09/29/2006 7:14:44 AM PDT by Sopater (Creatio Ex Nihilo)
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To: RacerF150
Is it possible that liberals are too repulsive to have sexual relations with?

That is frequently true. The solution to which is: they can go <.bleep> themselves.

13 posted on 09/29/2006 7:18:54 AM PDT by andy58-in-nh
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To: Moose4

We don't break God's Law, we break ourselves on God's Law.


14 posted on 09/29/2006 7:34:54 AM PDT by Bosco (Remember how you felt on September 11?)
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To: Moose4

Oh, that was marvelous invective, Moose!

(We buy 40-gallon drums of Tomato Ketchup at Sam's. Mayo is bad for you!)


15 posted on 09/29/2006 7:55:41 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm." ~ Calvin Coolidge)
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To: Moose4

And if you thought you were Doomed before, wait until Anoreth starts driving the Incredibly Hugh Van. She's going to Driver's Ed next month!


16 posted on 09/29/2006 7:57:14 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm." ~ Calvin Coolidge)
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To: Tax-chick
You liked it? That was my Morford impersonation. The sentences weren't nearly run-on enough, though.

That's what slays me about Miss Morford. Not that the guy's a flaming cheesy poof (or a cheesy flaming poof), or that he's a shrill screaming anti-Bush Sodom Cramcrisco radical leftist who's incapable of writing a column without mentioning drizzling something on somebody's tailbone, or that he thinks those of us in flyover country are all knuckle-dragging Neanderthals.

It's that he can't write. He's horrible. I've got a Bachelor's in Business Administration and never took an English class past AP English in high school (which transferred as my college English requirement) and I really think I can write better than Morford. Trying to read a Morford column gives me a headache. I want to take a bag of punctuation marks and smack him upside the head with it, and scream, "I know you're gay and you hate women, you freak, but that's no excuse for never having heard of PERIODS!"

That, and it's Friday and I'm bored silly at work. Very dangerous combination, that.

I sure hope you and the Tax-chickadees are doing great. Nublet has managed to get this whole "crawling" concept down pretty solid, and is learning how to terrorize the stupider of our two cats. He still thinks that if he's sitting on the ottoman and she crawls over and pulls his tail, he can just turn 90 degrees around and she can't get to him, and not even three days running of this can prove him wrong. He's not very bright.

}:-)4

17 posted on 09/29/2006 8:03:44 AM PDT by Moose4 (They caught me white and nerdy.)
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To: Tax-chick

OK, that's officially scary. Not that she won't be a fine driver, but learning to drive in the Incredibly Hugh Van...whoa. Well, after that, parallel parking anything else will be a cinch, I guess.

I learned to drive in a 1976 Datsun B210. My dad's theory was, I guess, if I screwed up, I'd take myself out of the gene pool quickly without causing significant damage to whatever I hit.

}:-)4


18 posted on 09/29/2006 8:06:31 AM PDT by Moose4 (They caught me white and nerdy.)
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To: Grannyx4

I wouldn't normally subject you to Morford, but the angst here is just too delicious. A gay man lambasting liberal progressives for not breeding. :-D


19 posted on 09/29/2006 8:12:40 AM PDT by LongElegantLegs (You can do that, and be a whack-job pedophile on meth.)
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To: SmithL

Hope it doesn't lead to a STD outbreak |:<0


20 posted on 09/29/2006 8:23:51 AM PDT by polymuser (There is one war and one enemy.)
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