Tiny Tunes: Istanbul (They Might Be Giants)
WWII: Online Game:
Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks! ownage!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
*poland has joined the game*
poland:HAY GUYS HOWZ IT GOIUNG DUDZ?
*poland has been eliminated*
poland:****!!!!11
poland:**** U ****ING SPAWN CAMPERS!!!
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got crap to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: ****
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bull**** u ***s im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bull**** u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right biznitch im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh **** help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: eisenhower hax hes killing all my ****
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun ****socker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this **** im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: **** now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: Yeah, wtf is nukes?
Stalin: d00d, gimme some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: OMGWTFBBQ!!?
*T0J0 has been COMPLETELY OWNZORED*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all ***s
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o ****!
*paTTon has left the game.*
One of the things I really miss about my kids not being small anymore is the absence of Bob and Larry. VT rocks.
Professor Terguson: Is she right? 'Cause I know that's the *popular* version of what went on there. And a lot of people like to believe that. I wish I could, but I was *there*. I wasn't here in a class room, hoping I was right, thinking about it.
[shouting]
Professor Terguson: I was up to my knees in rice paddies, with guns that didn't work! Going in there, looking for Charlie, slugging it out with him; While
[shouts]
Professor Terguson: pussies like you were back here partying, putting headbands on, doing drugs, and
[shouts]
Professor Terguson: listening to the goddamn Beatle albums! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Thornton Melon: Hey Professor, take it easy. These kids were in grade school at the time, and as for me... I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover.
Professor Terguson: You remember that thing we had about 30 years ago called the Korean conflict? And how we failed to achieve victory? How come we didn't cross the 38th parallel and push those rice-eaters back to the Great Wall of China?
Professor Terguson: [rips a desk apart] Then take the f@$%ing wall apart
[shouts]
Professor Terguson: brick by brick and nuke them back into the f*@$ing stone age forever? Tell me why! How come? Say it! Say it!
Thornton Melon: [incensed] All right. I'll say it. 'Cause Truman was too much of a *pussy wimp* to let MacArthur go in there
[shouts]
Thornton Melon: and blow out those Commie bastards!
Professor Terguson: Good answer. Good answer. I like the way you think. I'm gonna be watching you.
Thornton Melon: [to his classmates] Nice guy. Really seems to care. About what I have no idea.
[after Diane gives Thornton an 'F' for his report, which was actually written by Kurt Vonnegut]
Diane: Whoever *did* write this doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut!
[cut to Thornton's dorm suite]
Thornton Melon: [on the phone] ... and *another* thing, Vonnegut! I'm gonna stop payment on the cheque!
[Kurt tells him off]
Thornton Melon: F@#$ me? Hey, Kurt, can you read lips, *f@#$ you*! Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum!
[hangs up]
Diane: I'd love to go with you, but I've got a class right now.
Thornton Melon: Well, why don't you come and see me some time when you have no class.
You guys might want to visit here:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1693327/posts?page=84#84
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=10617
(How NOT to make a copy of your butt)
Happy Friday! :)
I think I'd like this old fart!
A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars...We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ..and," pausing to take another drink of beer...
The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shithead, what are you doing for the next generation?"
I love senior citizens
I'm a little late today. I went to work, they sent me home, and I've been helping clean house this morning (gotta maintain domestic harmony). Ernesto is really nasty here in Norfolk.
here's another VT video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S38aq2GAQ0&mode=related&search=
Here's my personal favorite.
On the twelfth day of Ramadan, Osama gave to me:
12 Agents Sleeping
11 Egyptians missing
10 Rockets soaring
9 Land Mines exploding
8 ‘rabs Jihading
7 Anthrax Scares
6 Blue hats Cowering
5 WMD’s
4 Bombs a falling
3 French Diplomats
2 Hopeless Doves
And a Democrat in the pocket.
The Pope & the Rabbi Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the
Jews had to convert, or leave Italy.
There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a
deal.
He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community.
If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they would
have to leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise Rabbi Moishe to
represent them in the debate. However, Moishe spoke no Italian, and the
Pope spoke no Yiddish, so they all agreed that it would be a "silent"
debate.
On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other a
full minute before the Pope raised his hand. He showed three fingers.
Rabbi Moishe looked back. He raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared he was beaten.
Rabbi Moishe was too clever and the Jews could stay.
Later, the Cardinal met with the Pope, asking what had happened.
The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.
He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still but
one God common to both our beliefs.
"Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us.
He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right
here with us.
I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our
sins. "He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.
He had me beaten, and I could not continue."
Meanwhile, the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Moishe. "How did
you win the debate?" they asked.
"I haven't a clue," said Moishe.
"First, he tells me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave
him the finger.
Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I
said to him 'We're staying right here.'"
"Then what happened?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said Moishe. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."
OLD FRED
Old Fred's hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers, but it doesn't look good. Suddenly, he motions frantically to the pastor for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred uses his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then dies.
The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note right away, so he places it in his jacket pocket..
At Fred's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his eulogy, he realizes he's wearing the jacket he was wearing when Fred died.
"Fred handed me a note just before he died," he says. "I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration in it for us all."
Opening the note, he reads aloud, "Move! You're standing on my oxygen hose!"
