Posted on 07/14/2006 10:00:45 AM PDT by raccoonradio
Fat Matt Amorello is a big fan of “The Simpsons.” That’s where he got his idea for a monorail to Springfield. And now we find that he lives by the “three little sentences” that Homer Simpson told Bart will get him through life.
No. 1, Cover for me! No. 2, Oh, good idea, Boss!
Those first two served him well in his initial 15-plus years in the hackerama. But now he falls back on the third of Homer Simpson’s maxims: “It was like that when I got here!”
That’s his excuse. For $223,000 a year, he has no control over anything. The tunnels are safe, except for those 232 problems in the connecting tunnel, not to mention the leaks, the slurry walls, etc.
But remember, the fatal bolt problem dates back to at least 1999. So . . . it was like that when I got here.
Poor Fat Matt. On Monday, his patrons in the Legislature were scheming to give him another six months to funnel cash to the Big Dig bandidos. Yesterday, these same solons - House Speaker Sal DiMasi and Senate President Bob Travaglini - were lining up Fat Matt to give two in the hat.
Do you know how difficult it is for a career coatholder like Fat Matt to go up against Sal and Trav - the hacki di tutti hacki? Here’s how close Fat Matt is to Sal: Sal is a bust-out lawyer who once represented a Winter Hill thug named Joe Yerardi, whose wife (until her indictment) worked for state Auditor Joe DeNucci, whose brother was hired as a Turnpike toll taker by . . . Fat Matt Amorello.
“This is a guy who came in as a reformer,” former state Treasurer Joe Malone said yesterday, “and now whenever he meets a legislator what he says is, ‘What can I do for you?’ meaning, how can I put you in my debt so you’ll allow me to continue in my hack job?”
But now it all comes to an end. And Fat Matt realizes he’s got the worst problem any hack could ever have. He’s only 48 years old, and he’s only got 16 years in. He . . . can’t . . . grab . . . the . . . pension. Not yet, anyway.
No wonder he sounds like the Kevin Bacon ROTC guy in Animal House. You remember “Chip Diller”? The parade has degenerated into a ruckus and Chip is screaming, “Remain calm!! All is well!” Then he gets trampled.
Everyone’s on the same page now - Gov. Mitt Romney, AG Tom Reilly, Sal and Trav and maybe 98 percent of the public. It’s the FIRE FAT MATT page. But what’s happened to Sen. John Kerry, the Big Dig’s biggest D.C. cheerleader?
The Big Dig has become a quagmire, someone said yesterday. Sen. Kerry, when will you set a withdrawal date from the Big Dig? Mr. Kerry, how do you ask a commuter to be the last to die for a mistake?
Don’t worry, Fat Matt, there is life after the Big Dig.
Trav and Sal suggested yesterday that perhaps he could develop “some role,” a “new role,” at the Turnpike. How about as a toll taker, in one of the Fast Lane lanes? You know, where he couldn’t get his hands on any of the cash. He could just wave the cars through with his cruller.
How out of touch is Fat Matt? On the Mass Pike Web site, his current Chairman’s Message trumpets the Pike as “the safest and best maintained highway in the nation.” Fat Matt’s message begins: “Summer is the season for family vacation and cookouts and the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority has all its resources ready to help you find a fun tourist destination and to get you there safely.”
On NECN last night, the failed pol was almost wistful as he again trotted out Homer Simpson’s excuse. It’s just not right, he insisted, to hold him accountable just “because we need that scalp or head on a pike, (and) if that’s the world we’re going to live in today, I think that’s not the world we should be part of.” Don’t worry, Fat Matt, you won’t be part of it much longer. It’s almost Friday afternoon.
Coming soon, Matt Amorello's monorail from Boston to Springfield! Oh, it'll be cheap to put up--how far away...?
YAHOO MAPS
Starting from: Boston, MA
Arriving at: Springfield, MA
Distance: 89.6 miles
...7. Take ramp onto I-90 WEST - go 82.3 mi...
But why drive when you can take Matt's monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
Electrified,
Six-car
Monorail! ...
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty+Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
[crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud...
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll all be given cushy jobs.
Sounds like Matt Amorello to me!
You should hear Mark Belling go off about the monorail.
A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet...goes on.
Came *this close* to suggesting this yesterday for one of Howie's choice sound clips.
A caller to Howie's show today referred to Fat Matt now becoming Haz Matt. Toxic.
Maybe they should have listened to Reagan back in the 80's when he vetoed federal money for the Big Pig, er Dig when it was only a 2 billion dollar project. 14 billion dollars later, and the thing doesn't work. But it kept many politicians in office, so the money wasn't really wasted.
You and I both know they'll find a 4-year desk job for Fat Matt so he can do his 20 years in and collect the pension. They'll invent a position if they have to, that's how it works here.
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