RE: Pulling
"Father, I am to give my first mass and I am extremely nervous. Please, give me some advice as to how you remain so calm."
"Well, you know that I keep a glass of icewater at hand throughout the mass."
"Yes."
"It isn't icewater, it's vodka on the rocks. I nip at it on occasion to ward off the butterflies."
"Ah! Thank you, Father. I will try that."
After the mass, our nervous young priest meets again with his elder mentor for a critique.
"Well, Father, what did you think of my first mass?"
"First of all, about the vodka: next time sip it slowly, don't gulp it by the glass.
Second, it's 'Jesus Christ and the Disciples' not 'J.C. and da boyz.'
Third, it's 'the Virgin Mary', not 'Mary wit da cherry'.
Fourth, you were meant to announce a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Finally, you really should have had one of the altar boys blow out the candles afterward; your impromptu fire-belching singed the varnish on the altar.
But, other than that, you did fine."
haven't heard that in a while :)
(btw: puling, one "l", not pulling)