I think this is it. There's no reason for the DA's office (source, I'm sure) to downplay it.
This is about as weak as it gets, really.
Nancy Grace's head is going to explode. We'll have to hear Wendy Murphy talk about Vaginal trauma hysterically again.
Nifong will say he's sure a Rape took place and that he has a Very Strong case.
Her Father will talk about the broomstick incessantly.
Kim Roberts will continue meeting with agents. She's gone from wanted by the law for an outstanding warrant to wanted by Hollywood, BET, and major publishers. Not bad, huh?
Rita Cosby will ask the Cab driver if he noticed any DNA that night.
Geraldo will go on O'Reilly and proclaim the players will run to the DA to cut deals. They're white and soft, you know - according to Geraldo. O'Reilly will be amazed at Geraldo's cognitive prowess.
Ted Williams (on Greta) will say ARWWWWLLL.. Greta, I think this means she has some material under her Nails. That's not good Greta. How ugly can this case get? They should be ashamed at Duke!
Dan Abrams will say .. IS NIFONG NUTS? What is wrong with this man.., I need to take a break.
Susan Filan: I think this is very important to the prosecution. This is BIG. These boys cannot claim they were in Ohio on that night. I really feel for this woman.
Jim Hammer (Greta) will say.. We know they are guilty and this is just another NAIL in the coffin. Compelling stuff Greta!
Duke will ban all 46 players from the Campus for life and denouce them as sloppy and untidy.
A committee will be formed to study Duke's response to the DNA results.
The Black Panthers will march and proclaim - no one leaves cells under 'Divine' Black woman's nails. Sisters need to be protected from sloughing.
The N&O will publish more claims of underage drinking. An editorial will be published promoting the banishment of "swaggering" at White, Male, elitist Universities.
3 midnight Vigils will be held to protest unwelcome (cell) sloughing by oppresive males. One protest will focus on date and aquaintence sloughing.
Crystal will claim she was actually attacked with a Chainsaw and she suffers from flashbacks.
The Democrats will make a election commercial recreating 3 Rich, White Males Pulling on Crystal's Nails while she screams. Roberts will be off-camera saying, you weren't the one that was called a damn *i****.
The NY times and Wash Post will write articles outlining the inequity of the cleanliness between NCCU and Duke Frat House bathrooms.
Finally, Academics will claim the DNA testing was flawed due to an alarming lack of Diversity at the Test LAB!
A dancer/addict/maybe whore... was being busted while asleep drunk in a car in a retail center when she decided to cry rape (probably to beat the drunk charge).
So far it is a bust.
Brodhead, the Duke English and Romance Studies Departments will say that white male DNA has a history of not leaving a complete match due to cultural insensitivties and a new course will be taught "Insensitive DNA 210" How white euopean male imperialist DNA thwarted the diverse syngergy of the sun cultures.
You should really put a "Spoiler Alert" if you're going to give away the whole plot like that.
Hah! Great summary of all the news articles and Talking Head comments for the next two weeks.
Saves me the bother of paying any attention to them.