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Automatic Bob Herbert
Brain Terminal ^ | 05/02/2006 | Brain Terminal

Posted on 05/02/2006 8:26:55 AM PDT by BJClinton

Automatic Bob Herbert

2 May 2006 @ 1:27AM
According to Nancy Kruh of The Dallas Morning News, veteran New York Times columnist Bob Herbert has been stuck in a rut for years. "For several months now," Kruh writes, "as I’ve read one Iraq war column after another, one thought always comes to mind: Um, haven’t I read this before? So, yesterday, I finally immersed myself in Lexis-Nexis to try to quantify and qualify this phenomenon."

What Kruh discovered is that many of Herbert's columns during the Bush presidency contain similar, interchangeable passages. She cites a number of examples that make it seem like your average Herbert column is just a random recombination of wording from earlier columns.

Given the paper's recent stock performance and rumblings from restless investors, I thought I'd help the Times find ways to put out the same product for less money. So I spent about fifteen minutes writing software that can generate Bob Herbert columns while using a minimal amount of our Earth's precious resources.

Behold "Automatic Bob", the Bob Herbert column generator:

Automatic Bob creates coherent-sounding columns using only the finest genuine Bob Herbert verbiage. Don't be fooled by imitators!

Note: If The New York Times would like to purchase the technology behind Automatic Bob, please contact me. Until then, it will remain here as a public service to those folks stranded on the non-intelligentsia side of the TimesSelect wall.



TOPICS: Cheese, Moose, Sister; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: herbert; nyslimes; nyt; timesselect
You'll have to go to the site to use the generator. Anyway, here's an example:

Mission Impossible War
By "Automatic Bob" Herbert

Fantasy may be in fashion. Reality may have been shoved into the shadows on Mr. Bush's watch.

While our "What, me worry?" president is having a great time with his high approval ratings and his Top Gun fantasies, the economy remains in the tank. The sad truth about Iraq is that one year after President Bush gaudily proclaimed victory with his Top Gun moment aboard the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln, we don't know what we're doing in Iraq. This guy is something. Remember his Top Gun moment aboard the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln? And his famous taunt -- "Bring 'em on" -- to the insurgents in Iraq? The administration that was so anxious to throw scores of thousands of healthy young Americans into the flames of war now has no idea how to get them out. The president and these home-front warriors got us into this war and now they don't know how to get us out.

President Bush continues to assert that our goal in Iraq is "victory." Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, recently told Tim Russert that things were going "very, very well" in Iraq. They are still crawling toward the mirage. It's time to give reality a chance.

The Bush people were never big on reality, so sooner or later they were bound to be blindsided by it. Amateurs and incompetents have run the war from the start, and fantasy has trumped reality at every turn.

During the run-up to war, the public heard ominous references to mushroom clouds and was encouraged to believe there was a link between Saddam Hussein and Sept. 11. Condoleezza Rice went on television to say with a straight face, "We don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud."

Mr. Bush cannot explain our mission in Iraq and has nothing resembling an exit strategy.

Copyright 2003-2006, The New York Times Company

1 posted on 05/02/2006 8:26:59 AM PDT by BJClinton
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To: BJClinton

Another example:

Murderous Quagmire
By "Automatic Bob" Herbert

Right now there is no viable plan for securing the peace in Iraq, and no exit strategy.

We don't know where we're heading. We don't know how many troops it will take to get us there. And we don't know how to get out.
The president who displayed his contempt for Iraqi militants two years ago with the taunt "bring 'em on" had to go on television Tuesday night to urge Americans not to abandon support for the war that he foolishly started but can't figure out how to win. Mr. Bush's Top Gun moment aboard the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln was two and a half years ago. It was another example of the president in fantasyland. This guy is something. Remember his Top Gun moment aboard the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln? And his famous taunt -- "Bring 'em on" -- to the insurgents in Iraq?

We're holding a terrible hand. There is no exit strategy for American troops in Iraq.

President Bush continues to assert that our goal in Iraq is "victory." Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, recently told Tim Russert that things were going "very, very well" in Iraq. They are still crawling toward the mirage. It's time to give reality a chance.


The president continues to behave as if he's in denial about the war.
During the run-up to war, the public heard ominous references to mushroom clouds and was encouraged to believe there was a link between Saddam Hussein and Sept. 11. Condoleezza Rice went on television to say with a straight face, "We don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud."

A genuine sense of alarm can actually be detected in the reality-resistant hierarchy of the Bush administration.
Does President Bush even tip his hat to reality as he goes breezing by?


2 posted on 05/02/2006 8:40:38 AM PDT by Yo-Yo (USAF, TAC, 12th AF, 366 TFW, 366 MG, 366 CRS, Mtn Home AFB, 1978-81)
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To: Yo-Yo

Well, I sent it to the NYTimes and they haven't responded. Y'know, they could save a bundle in salary by just using this generator.


3 posted on 05/02/2006 8:45:21 AM PDT by BJClinton
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To: BJClinton

They could use it for MoDo columns also. Come to think of it, they could use it for all of their hacks and save an incredible amount of cash!


4 posted on 05/02/2006 9:43:23 AM PDT by wingnut1971 (Oh good...another BS study I get to pay for.)
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To: wingnut1971

I was thinking the same thing. Maybe have a "Rather-Blaire Randomizer Button" that just makes some stuff up and sticks it in there.


5 posted on 05/02/2006 10:13:43 AM PDT by BJClinton (Why can't every day be a day without illegals?)
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To: Cagey; Larry Lucido
[Monks]

Julie: I like Anna ???'s column and Sapphire. Don't you like Sapphire?

George: Oh, Sapphire. Uh ha

Julie: Although at times can be rather pedantic.

George: He can be pedantic. He can be pedantic.

Julie: And Bob Herbert's great. He's the Daily News.

George: Yes. Yes. You know what's interesting. The quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons is Bobby Hebert. No "r" which I find fascinating. You know it's Herbert h-e-r-b-e-r-t, Hebert h-e-b-e-r-t. "Hebert" it's a fun name to pronounce. Try and say it Hebert. Take a shot. All right. [check arrives] All right. I got it.

6 posted on 05/02/2006 1:05:34 PM PDT by MotleyGirl70
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To: MotleyGirl70

Anna Quindlen and William Saffire. And yes, he can be pedantic. :-)


7 posted on 05/02/2006 2:36:07 PM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: BJClinton; MotleyGirl70

Automatic Dave Barry Generator.

http://www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/


8 posted on 05/02/2006 2:44:47 PM PDT by Larry Lucido
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