It's not having sex with your wife that I have a problem with. It's having sex with her when she's sleeping, or unconscious.
Is your point that there is a duty to wake your spouse up? Generally, the acts leading up to any consummation would do that. However, that is not the essential point. The man may be an insensitive slob--a contemptible oaf. It is not the business of society in anything but the most absolute tyranny, to intervene in such matters.