Posted on 03/29/2006 4:48:11 AM PST by gobucks
"I just want to be a wife and a mother". That is what she said about 10 years ago when we married. But she also wanted to work. One thing led to another, then to an MBA, and now she has a great job with high pay. And she is pregnant again, which of course we're thrilled about. Little Gb was born last summer, and this is welcome news, given how many years it took to bring this about.
But lately, she has made it plain: she wants to become a full time stay at home wife and mother. Her career now has zero allure. And so, upon my shoulders it is looking like the full weight of supporting the family will rest. This is a road that is quite alien for me I have to report. I was born in 1963, and the norm was watching the women of a household do housework, and work outside the home.
I have decided I want this too, though the transition doesn't appear to be one that will be painless. For example, we really like the house our two incomes pay for. But, nonetheless, given the "Back to Puritanism" road we took a few years ago (which we know directly led to solving the infertility question), this step is inevitable for us.
So, now, I'm looking for Freeper Advice, from wives and/or Husbands. What happened when she stopped working and stayed at home? How did that make things better or worse? How would have you changed the process to make it more smooth? And if you had to do it over, would she still quit her job, and stay at home?
That is how it should be.
Your kids need your wife to care for them, teach them, nurture them and love them, not some day care provider to house them.
They do not need a big house and fancy cars.
Just know that you are doing the right thing for your children. My husband and I have that arrangement, and we wouldn't have it any other way.
When up against a deadline and under quota, there have been times when I wish my wife was at work and I was doing the laundry! I still work too many hours and am sad that I don't see my kids as much as I would like. Being a stay at home dad is not as alien as it used to be.
Also, don't underestimate your need for health insurance at this time. When I was self employed and my wife's COBRA ran out, you'll be surprised at how little policy your money buys even if you're incorporated.
However, if it's her desire to stay home, find a way to make it work. My cars are old and my wife is more prone to wearing sweats than those cute business blazers she looks so good in but we've never been happier together.
:-D
Let us know how that scenario is working out for you!
Fourteen years ago my wife decided to stay home with the birth of our second daughter. It was the best thing that ever happened to us as a family. We relied on each other and God to get us through. With a long journey still ahead, we are expecting #8 in a couple of weeks, we continue to rely on God to provide.
I no longer golf or do many of the "fun things" I did when younger, but I really do NOT miss them. My family IS my life.
Good luck.
sheesh.... get lost mr. perfect
And when you run the numbers -- day care, etc. -- you might be surprised how little you're losing in net income.
We did this 20 some years ago. First off, when we took out the cost of commuting, lunches, shoes, clothing, pantyhose, convenience foods and take out, and day care, my leaving work left less of a hole than we would have thought.
Then, we took it to one TV in the house, fewer laundry and dry cleaning, no need for a lawn service or housekeeping help on occasion....getting the idea?
We ate out (family style) on Sunday after church to help with the idea that Sunday is special. The rest of our meals were held around the kitchen table. We used the library more and Walden Books less.
And I don't have one regret.
Max has such a way with words, doesn't he? ;-)
It's true, parents that want to give their kids "everything that they never had" tend to substitute crass material wealth for time and effort.
And I have more to say on this topic, but right now I have to take my five year old to preschool.
We are going on a field trip to the fire station, and then the whole class is going to the park to have a picnic. And I can go, too, because I am a stay at home mom. : )
Have a great time. Stay off the pole this time.
lol
I happen to know two stay-at-home dads married to high-earning women who have made quite a success of it.
Some of what you write suggests to me that it is her job that is the problem right now, and a baby provides an "exit" sign to career doldrums. I've known a few couples like this, too. It's assumed that the man in the couple doesn't ever have that option, which makes for some reasonable resentments.
What I don't come across anymore is the stereotype of a husband happily committed to his wife being at home. Well-nurtured kids, a tidy home and good food do not appear to hold the charms they used to. Generally I hear from dads who absolutely want their wives to work, but it doesn't translate to much help around the house. Just more cash for a bass boat.
Thanks, I've been called a lot of things, but never that.
What wife would want their husband to ask questions like this to complete strangers on the internet? My wife would get very upset.
Kidding. It works surpisingly well, particularly if the dad isn't, well, a spring rooster.
Thats too bad..
In a different world in which you dont live others can seek advice without worrying about rebuke from a loved one.
Mr. Gobucks admitted that he started this thread while his wife was still sleeping with the intention of showing it to her when she awoke.
It's been almost 2 hours since gobucks has replied. Perhaps his wife had a similar reaction to the one anticipated by you!!
:-D
Nah, we are unrepentant YANKEES! lol
Honestly, my husband harps on the panty hose thing: planned obsolescence. They hit you for a bunch of dollars, you get one, maybe three wearings and you're back for more! When I quit work, heck, I needed jeans and t-shirts for most days compared to all the stuff I needed as an administrator in a large trauma center....you get the idea.
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