My Pregnant (Again) Wife wants to quit her job - need advice

Me ^ | 29 Mar 06 | GoBucks

[teenyelliott]

she wants to become a full time stay at home wife and mother. Her career now has zero allure. And so, upon my shoulders it is looking like the full weight of supporting the family will rest

That is how it should be.

Your kids need your wife to care for them, teach them, nurture them and love them, not some day care provider to house them.

They do not need a big house and fancy cars.

Just know that you are doing the right thing for your children. My husband and I have that arrangement, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

[Incorrigible]

When up against a deadline and under quota, there have been times when I wish my wife was at work and I was doing the laundry! I still work too many hours and am sad that I don't see my kids as much as I would like. Being a stay at home dad is not as alien as it used to be.

Also, don't underestimate your need for health insurance at this time. When I was self employed and my wife's COBRA ran out, you'll be surprised at how little policy your money buys even if you're incorporated.

However, if it's her desire to stay home, find a way to make it work. My cars are old and my wife is more prone to wearing sweats than those cute business blazers she looks so good in but we've never been happier together.

[Quilla]

I am the self-employed mother of two college students. When they were born, I took three days off work to have each child, returning to work with them in tow. They went everywhere with me and apparently enjoyed it as they were (and are) always smiling. I arranged my office hours to coincide with their private Christian school's hours so I was able to drop them off each morning and pick them up each afternoon. The faculty and staff of their school made such a wonderful contribution to their raisin', that I spent countless hours presiding over the PTA, fund raising, and laboring at the campus. I've been blessed with incredibly healthy, well behaved children that I rarely missed work to handle emergencies.

All the while, I've earned an incredible living, started a second business, and convinced my husband to start his own. We live in a huge home (paid for), everyone drives a vehicle under warranty (paid for), my children live in a new home (paid for) at college that I'll sell for a profit and ultimately pay myself back for their tuition expenses.

Sacrificing a style of living to stay home with one's children, although magnanimous, is not the only alternative.

[Incorrigible]

:-D

Let us know how that scenario is working out for you!

[u57896]

Fourteen years ago my wife decided to stay home with the birth of our second daughter. It was the best thing that ever happened to us as a family. We relied on each other and God to get us through. With a long journey still ahead, we are expecting #8 in a couple of weeks, we continue to rely on God to provide.
I no longer golf or do many of the "fun things" I did when younger, but I really do NOT miss them. My family IS my life.
Good luck.

[Maximus of Texas]

Why does she want to work? Is it for so that you can have a better home? Take more vacations?

The best person to answer this is your infant child. If he could talk what do you think he would say? He could care less about the home, the vacations, etc. He wants his mom to say home.

I've always wanted to throw this out to a working mom. A working mom who is only working so they have nice cars, vacations, etc:

Max: Hey, while you're at work, do you think I could have use of that new SUV you have in the parking garage?

Working Mom: What? No way!

Max: Why not? You're not using it. Just let me use it while you're at work and I'll bring it back in great condition before 5:00 PM.

Working Mom: There is no way I'm letting you drive my new SUV while I'm working.

Max: Interesting. So, where is your 2 yr old right now?

Working Mom: At a day care.

Max: So, you let someone else "drive" your kid while you're at work but you won't let me drive your SUV?

[wallcrawlr]

sheesh.... get lost mr. perfect

[r9etb]

Tighten your belt, and let her stay at home. It is by far the best thing you can do for your kids, and also for your wife.

And when you run the numbers -- day care, etc. -- you might be surprised how little you're losing in net income.

[trimom]

We did this 20 some years ago. First off, when we took out the cost of commuting, lunches, shoes, clothing, pantyhose, convenience foods and take out, and day care, my leaving work left less of a hole than we would have thought.

Then, we took it to one TV in the house, fewer laundry and dry cleaning, no need for a lawn service or housekeeping help on occasion....getting the idea?

We ate out (family style) on Sunday after church to help with the idea that Sunday is special. The rest of our meals were held around the kitchen table. We used the library more and Walden Books less.

And I don't have one regret.

[LongElegantLegs]

Max has such a way with words, doesn't he? ;-)

It's true, parents that want to give their kids "everything that they never had" tend to substitute crass material wealth for time and effort.

[teenyelliott]

Beautiful.

And I have more to say on this topic, but right now I have to take my five year old to preschool.

We are going on a field trip to the fire station, and then the whole class is going to the park to have a picnic. And I can go, too, because I am a stay at home mom. : )

[Maximus of Texas]

Have a great time. Stay off the pole this time.

[Maximus of Texas]

"First off, when we took out the cost of ... shoes, clothing, pantyhose"

Are yous from Arkeesaw???


Just kidding.

[wallcrawlr]

lol

[Mamzelle]

You don't mention your work, how the salaries compare, and whether you might be one who'd like to stay home.

I happen to know two stay-at-home dads married to high-earning women who have made quite a success of it.

Some of what you write suggests to me that it is her job that is the problem right now, and a baby provides an "exit" sign to career doldrums. I've known a few couples like this, too. It's assumed that the man in the couple doesn't ever have that option, which makes for some reasonable resentments.

What I don't come across anymore is the stereotype of a husband happily committed to his wife being at home. Well-nurtured kids, a tidy home and good food do not appear to hold the charms they used to. Generally I hear from dads who absolutely want their wives to work, but it doesn't translate to much help around the house. Just more cash for a bass boat.

[stuartcr]

Thanks, I've been called a lot of things, but never that.

What wife would want their husband to ask questions like this to complete strangers on the internet? My wife would get very upset.

[Mamzelle]

I know stay-at-home dads. They do have to deal with flirtation on the playground. Sometimes they get called in to do "handywork" for the neighbor lady. (g)

Kidding. It works surpisingly well, particularly if the dad isn't, well, a spring rooster.

[wallcrawlr]

My wife would get very upset.

Thats too bad..

In a different world in which you dont live others can seek advice without worrying about rebuke from a loved one.

[Incorrigible]

What wife would want their husband to ask questions like this to complete strangers on the internet? My wife would get very upset.

Mr. Gobucks admitted that he started this thread while his wife was still sleeping with the intention of showing it to her when she awoke.

It's been almost 2 hours since gobucks has replied.  Perhaps his wife had a similar reaction to the one anticipated by you!!

:-D

 

[trimom]

Nah, we are unrepentant YANKEES! lol

Honestly, my husband harps on the panty hose thing: planned obsolescence. They hit you for a bunch of dollars, you get one, maybe three wearings and you're back for more! When I quit work, heck, I needed jeans and t-shirts for most days compared to all the stuff I needed as an administrator in a large trauma center....you get the idea.