Ten Things You Need to Know to be a Republican

> > > > Things you have to believe to be a Republican today: > > > > > > > > Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary > > Clinton. > > > > > > > > > > Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade > > with > > > > China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. > > > > > > > > > The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our >highest > > national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq. > > > > > > > > A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but > > multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind >without > > regulation. > > > > > > > > The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in >speeches, > > while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay. > > > > > > > > If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex. > > > > > > > > A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, >then > > demand their cooperation and money. > > > > > > > > Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing > > health care to all Americans is socialism. > > > > > > > > HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at > > heart. > > > > > > > > > > Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but > > creationism should be taught in schools. > > > > > > > > A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable > > offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which > > thousands die is solid > > defense policy. > > > > > > > > Government should limit itself to the powers named in the >Constitution, > > which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet. > > > > > > > > The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but >George > > Bush's driving record is none of our business. > > > > Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a > > conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers >for > > your recovery. > > > > > > > > What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but >what > > Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant. > > > > > > > > Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing > > orange vests similar to those worn by the quail is expected. > > > > > > > > Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other >people, > > we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08. > > > > > > > > Friends don't let friends vote Republican. > >

First you need to clean this up a bit. Formatting is your friend.

Can you edit in a list so it's easier to work with?

Why would you post messy, unformatted garbage?

I don't have time to work on it myself but I look forward to seeing what someone else comes up with.

Why bother?

One can't put sense into a fool's brain.

Things You Have to Believe to be a democrat Today

1. Belief in God will destroy the country.

2. Morals are a bad thing.

3. Hard working Americans should give their money to lazy Americans.

4. Men who molest boys are heterosexual.

5. You can reason with people who want to kill you.

6. African Americans can not achieve without help.

7. The U.N. and world court should have authority over the U.S.

8. We don't really need a military.

9. We don't need oil.

10. Animals have more rights then people do.

11. It's none of the parents business if their thirteen year old daughter get an abortion.

12. Trees can't be replaced.

13. Forest fires are better than someone making a living cutting down trees for lumber.

14. It's not fair that some people get better health care than others, so everyone should get poor health care and hard working Americans should pay for it so lazy Americans don't have to.

15. Successful people cheat and steal.

http://groups.google.com/group/soc.veterans/msg/7820632d21b25679?hl=en&

sorry, when I pasted it, it looked like a list, I don't know what happened when it showed up here. I can refute somewhat, but I was hoping somebody may have a list of their own.

Thanks, this is a start!!!!!!!!

Things you have to believe to vote Republican today:

1. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy
when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

2. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

3. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without
regulation, especially so if they are paying women less than men.

5. Jesus is GOD (and all that implies, like omnipotent, omnscient, and He Created Everything!
He loves *You*...and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in flowery
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
care to all Americans is socialism.

10. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at
heart.

11. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

12. A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense.

A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is
solid defense policy.

13. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

14. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George
Bush's driving record is none of our business.

15. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for
your recovery.

16. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft
can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

17. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but
what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other people,
we're likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

"sorry, when I pasted it, it looked like a list, I don't know what happened when it showed up here. I can refute somewhat, but I was hoping somebody may have a list of their own."

C'mon -- those ">" marks don't just show up. I am a huge nerd and I know that!!!! :)

Well that was easy. Tell him a Democrat can't count past 10:')

Much of it makes good sense and your friend is correct that there will be more Republicans in the years to come. The rest is so much malarky and you should tell your friend to bug off..

That's eight things more than a plumber needs to know!

Jesus loves you - I personally believe that's nice, but has nothing to with being politically conversative, thanks for trying to paint us into a corner with that one.

Trade with Cuba is wrong - don't be naive, proximity has A LOT to do with this one. Remember nukes 90 miles from US soil?

The United States should get out of the United Nation... - The UN is VERY afraid of the Hyperpower the US has become. They'll resist at every turn purely on principal.

Man, I'm outta Copenhagen and the family's gone to see family on spring break, off to the store for more, sorry I couldn't continue the line by line.

By Jay D. Dyson.

Just to balance out the Things you have to Believe to be a Republican Today posting that generated so many comments.

Drug addiction is a disease that should be treated with compassion and understanding...unless the addict is a Conservative talk show host.
The United States should be subservient to the United Nations. Our highest authority is not God and the U.S. Constitution, but a collective of tinpot dictators (and their appeasers) and the U.N. charter.
Government should relax drug laws regardless of the potential for abuse, but should pass new and unConstitutional anti-gun laws because of the potential for abuse.
Calls for increased security after a terrorist attack are "political opportunism," but calls for more gun control after a criminal's spree killing is "a logical solution."
"It Takes a Village" means everything you want it to mean...except creeping socialist government involvement in the nuclear family.
Disarming innocent, law-abiding citizens helps protect them from evil, lawless terrorists and other thugs.
Slowly killing an unborn innocent by tearing it apart limb from limb is good. Slowly killing an innocent disabled woman by starving her to death is good. Quickly killing terrorists, convicted murderers and rapists is BAD.
Every religion should be respected and promoted in public schools the name of diversity, so long as that religion isn't Christianity.
The best way to support our troops is to criticize their every move. This will let them know they're thought of often.
Sexual harassment, groping and drug use are degenerate if you're the governor of California, but it's okay if you're the President of the United States.
Sex education should be required so that teens can make informed choices about sex, but gun education should be banned because it will turn those same teens into maniacal mass-murderers.
Minorities are blameless for the hatred of the racist; women are blameless for the hatred of the rapist; but America is entirely at fault for the hatred of Islamofascists.
Poverty is the cause of all terrorism...which is why the leaders of al Qaeda are typically U.S.-educated and were raised in wealth and luxury.
The Patriot Act is a horrific compromise of Constitutional rights, but anti-Second Amendment laws and Franklin Roosevelt's Presidential Order 9066 must be regarded "reasonable precautions."
We should unquestioningly honor the wishes of our age-old allies, even when said allies no longer act like our allies and have vested economic interests in propping up our enemies.
Socialized medicine is the ideal. Nevermind all those people who spend every dime they have to get to the United States so they can get quality medical care...that their nation's socialized medical community can't provide.
Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky and Natalie Maines are perfectly qualified to criticize our leadership, but Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charlton Heston, and Dennis Miller are just ignorant political hacks.
John Lott's research on how gun ownership reduces crime is junk science, but Michael Bellesiles is still an authority on why gun control is good (even though he was forced to resign from Emory due to research misconduct over his book "Arming America").
Bush's toppling the Saddam regime was a "diversion," but Clinton's lobbing a couple of cruise missiles at Iraq in the thick of the Lewinsky sex scandal was "sending a message."
A president who lies under oath is okay, but a president who references sixteen words from an allies' intelligence report should be dragged through the streets naked.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning Second Amendment rights and shopping the courts for judges sympathetic to causes that wouldn't pass in any legislature.
"The People" in the First Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Fourth Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Ninth Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Tenth Amendment means The People; but "the People" in the Second Amendment (ratified in 1791) means the National Guard (created by an Act of Congress in 1903).
You support a woman's "right to choose" to kill her unborn child, but don't believe that same woman is competent enough to homeschool the children she bears.
Proven draft-dodging is irrelevant, but baseless claims of AWOL status is crucial to national security.
Threatening to boycott Dr. Laura's and Rush Limbaugh's advertisers is exercising Freedom of Speech, but threatening to boycott CBS's "The Reagans" and Liberal actors over their asinine anti-American remarks is censorship and McCarthyist blacklisting.

Things you have to believe to vote Democrat today:

1. Abortion is the only important right and is above any kind of regulation or even discussion.

2-10. See above