Posted on 03/20/2006 2:51:48 PM PST by twippo
Take today's kids and a sex-charged culture and what do you have? Yikes! A parent's nightmare, particularly if the child is a girl.
But there's help out there for frantic parents. From the trusted team of Margaret Sagarese and Charlene C. Giannetti comes Boy Crazy!
(Excerpt) Read more at sun-sentinel.com ...
Will this also work on Barney Frank?
I'd rather not go there.
Good article. My daughter just turned 13. I now have a perennial headache.
Where were all those "boy crazy girls" when I was that age???
At my place, heh heh.
So9
Another Freeper posted this at one time and is appropriate here.
Ten Rules for Dating My Daughter
My motto: "Wilt them in the living room and they'll stay wilted all night."
"So," I'll call out jovially. "I see you have your nose pierced. Is that because you're stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?"
As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room:
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them from your body.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, I am told, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for a movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful... like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
* Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. * Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. * Places where there is darkness. * Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness of any kind. * Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her Adam’s Apple. * Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay, too.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
When I was 17, I picked up a girl for a date. Her father gave me a dime and when I asked why, he replied, "Should you ask my daughter to do anything that she is unsure of - you call here and ask me if she can."
He then winked and asked me, "By the way, can you run in a zig-zag pattern?"
There was a pretty good Hummer ad on the radio this morning. The father of a girl in talking to her date while she is still getting ready
Father: So, do you like trucks?
Date: Uh, yeah.
Father: This is my new Hummer Sport Utility Truck. Did I mention that it has a 72 inch bed?
Date: No.
Father: Well, it does. Which means that I can haul something approximately the size of you pretty much anywhere I want to. Now, what time will you have my first-born child home tonight?
Date: Nine-thirty, sir.
Father: Good.
Daughter (whining from other room): Daddy?
Ummmm...
Consequence One: Daughter moves to the remotest possible location at the earliest possible age. :^)
Rule #10 - If her father doesn't follow through with specifically rules #4 and 9, I won't hesitate. He taught me to shoot and says I'm on par with him. BTW, did he mention he was on the SWAT team?
Sounds like a good plan on the surface, but what happens when the boys catch on and start waving copies of Intro To Non-Euclidean Geometry or Ulysses in their faces?
-"Hey, Brad, how'd your date go last night? You get any conditioned response?"
-"You know it. That biology book works every time."
I have only one rule: If you act in a disrespectful manner in any way to my daughter or to me, I will run you out of town.
You are a brainless twit.
Come on, we're talking about 10-year-old girls here; that's just disgusting.
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