Posted on 03/17/2006 6:11:10 AM PST by jdm
Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.
Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.
"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.
Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.
Smashing car windows
Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.
Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.
The occupants were not home, he added.
Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said.
"At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.
Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.
Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said.
"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.
Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.
"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.
*ow*
Thanks for posting that. I'll be in my office, curled up in a fetal position for the rest of the day.
Now that was a dicked up idea from the beginning.
LOL !!!!!
FOIA anyone!
speechless...
ping
Me, too! And I have to answer phones! What do I say when they want to know why I am laughing?
But you have to love Friday afternoons in Freeperville!
Indeed. That was a d---head thing to do.
Could you please add me to your ping list?
You're in!
The funniest part of this story.
It must be ............ (don't say it - don't say it)
thanks....me too!
The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies
(sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)
Here's a little story of a man named John
A poor ex-marine (with a little fraction gone)
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife
She lopped off his schlong with a swipe of a knife
(penis, that is)
(rodeoed, fillet-iced)
Well, the next thing you know, there's a Ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded the bend
(curve, that is)
(pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back
They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's Henry that was wavin' in the air
(found, that is)
(by a fence, evidence)
Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a dick-doc said, "Hey, I can fix your dong,"
"A needle and a thread is just the thing you're gonna need"
Then the whole world held its breath
'til they heard that he had peed
(whizzed, that is)
(stiched seam, straight stream)
Well he healed and he hardened, and he took his case to court
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short)
They cleared her of assault, and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape
(video, that is)
(unexposed, case closed)
"Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?!"
"Had" being the operative word.
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