Man severs own penis, throws it at officers

Chicago Sun Times ^ | March 17, 2006 | Eric Herman

[null and void]

*ow*

[freedomlover]

A doctor was performing an autopsy and noticed the deceased man had a HUGE penis.

He was so amazed that when no one was looking he cut it off before zipping up the black bag for the last time.

He took it home to his wife, and said "Honey, you won't believe this", and showed it to her.

"What do you think of that?" he said.

She looked at the member in horror. "O my gosh" she said, "Klaus is dead!"

[Stultis]

Thanks for posting that. I'll be in my office, curled up in a fetal position for the rest of the day.

[Centurion2000]

Now that was a dicked up idea from the beginning.

[Centurion2000]

LOL !!!!!

[LZ_Bayonet]

"Would like to have heard their radio transmissions."

FOIA anyone!

[Bean Counter]

speechless...

[windcliff]

ping

[mlc9852]

Me, too! And I have to answer phones! What do I say when they want to know why I am laughing?

But you have to love Friday afternoons in Freeperville!

[Junior]

Indeed. That was a d---head thing to do.

[Huntress]

Could you please add me to your ping list?

[Xenalyte]

You're in!

[af_vet_rr]

That'll show 'em. At least he effectively removed himself from the gene pool. Do you have to die to get nominated for the Darwin Award?

I don't think you do, and this is a fairly spectacular way to remove yourself from the gene pool. He would definitely be a candidate, although I'm not sure if the Darwin Awards consider a deliberate removal versus "hold my beer and watch this" moment, or how they would rank. The guy sounds both crazy and stupid.

[Lazamataz]

Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak.

The funniest part of this story.

[Dashing Dasher]

Property?

It must be ............ (don't say it - don't say it)

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

He won't be damaging that property again. LOL

[freebird5850]

thanks....me too!

[Billthedrill]

You might like this one too:

The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies
(sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

Here's a little story of a man named John
A poor ex-marine (with a little fraction gone)
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife
She lopped off his schlong with a swipe of a knife
(penis, that is)
(rodeoed, fillet-iced)

Well, the next thing you know, there's a Ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded the bend
(curve, that is)
(pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back
They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's Henry that was wavin' in the air
(found, that is)
(by a fence, evidence)

Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a dick-doc said, "Hey, I can fix your dong,"
"A needle and a thread is just the thing you're gonna need"
Then the whole world held its breath
'til they heard that he had peed
(whizzed, that is)
(stiched seam, straight stream)

Well he healed and he hardened, and he took his case to court
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short)
They cleared her of assault, and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape
(video, that is)
(unexposed, case closed)

"Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?!"

[blackie]

Be Ever Vigilant!

[robertpaulsen]

"No...this guy at least HAD a girlfriend!"

"Had" being the operative word.