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Freeper Chili Cook-Off

Posted on 02/11/2006 8:33:45 AM PST by lawnguy

Freepers, I would like your favorite chili recipes.

I know many of these recipes are top secret, but I will be happy to settle for those in the public domain.:-)

Thank You!!


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Food; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: chili; chilicookoff
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To: Dashing Dasher
No, thank you!

Never got into pigs feet, or those pickled eggs floating in that red juice -- what is that? Don't like chitlins or any other entrails or organ meat -- except for liver and onions, which I have given up. Don't even like pork rinds. Just a picky southern girl. But I do love my grits.

121 posted on 02/11/2006 1:18:56 PM PST by Chanticleer (May you be gruntled and combobulated in 2006.)
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To: SAJ

My brother is the sultan of hot in our family. Sounds like a good thing to try out on him!


122 posted on 02/11/2006 1:19:40 PM PST by Chanticleer (May you be gruntled and combobulated in 2006.)
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To: MamaTexan; Dashing Dasher

and the chitlins.

and the pickled bowled eggs.

btw, DD, I've never eaten any of that stuff in my life. We're cultured (snicker)...we stick to hoe cakes, fried ham, and pickled ocra.


123 posted on 02/11/2006 1:20:17 PM PST by peacebaby (I'm fixin' to think about beginning to start to get ready to work)
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To: peacebaby; Chanticleer; Dashing Dasher; lawnguy
Where's The Chili Joke?


Franks words: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.  The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in.  I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, So I accepted".

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato.  Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor.  Very mild

Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff?  You could remove dried paint from your driveway.  Took me two beers to put the flames out.  I hope that's the worst one.  These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Keep this out of the reach of children.  I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain.  I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver.  They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili.  Great kick.  Needs more beans.

Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Call the EPA.  I've located a uranium spill.  My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano.  Everyone knows the routine by now. Get  me more beer before I ignite.  Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest.  I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.

Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans.  Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out tastebuds?  Sally, the barmaid, was  standing behind me with fresh refills.  That 300-lb. bitch is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating!  Is chili an aphrodisiac? (Good ol' Frank)

Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili.  Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.  Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes.  I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.  The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage.  Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher.  I wonder if I'm burning my lips  off.  It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks. (Never at a loss for words)

Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili.  Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet.  Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames.  I crapped myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat  through the chair.  No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally.  She must be kinkier than I thought.  Can't feel my lips anymore.  I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment.  I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3.  He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water.  My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth.  My pants are full of lava-like poo to match  my shirt.  At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful.  Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway.  If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch  hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili.  Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili.  Neither mild nor hot.  Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.  Not sure if he's going to make it.  Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.


124 posted on 02/11/2006 1:21:00 PM PST by Lady Jag ( All I want is a kind word, a warm bed, and world domination)
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To: MamaTexan

ever put tomatoes in your grits?


125 posted on 02/11/2006 1:21:02 PM PST by peacebaby (I'm fixin' to think about beginning to start to get ready to work)
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To: Flyer

I'll go where Mason is!

He's a cutie! Plus, I'm his Godmother! Right?


126 posted on 02/11/2006 1:21:14 PM PST by Dashing Dasher (Truth is generally the best vindication against slander --- Abe Lincoln (Get it!?))
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To: MamaTexan

You said it, MamaTexan. (Sorry about your picky kid. Mine drive me nuts. Don't know where they get it!)


127 posted on 02/11/2006 1:21:44 PM PST by Chanticleer (May you be gruntled and combobulated in 2006.)
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To: Lady Jag

Thank you, Lady Jag...I've been thinking about that story.


128 posted on 02/11/2006 1:21:58 PM PST by peacebaby (I'm fixin' to think about beginning to start to get ready to work)
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To: peacebaby

Fried okra too? I love fried okra.


129 posted on 02/11/2006 1:22:41 PM PST by Chanticleer (May you be gruntled and combobulated in 2006.)
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To: peacebaby
...thinking about that story is a warm thing to do on a winter's evening.
130 posted on 02/11/2006 1:24:00 PM PST by Lady Jag ( All I want is a kind word, a warm bed, and world domination)
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To: peacebaby
BTW, no sweet turnip greens, no sweet potato salad or slaw, either

No way! :-)

------

Something I never got the hang of making was Green Chili.

Not what I would consider Tex Mex, but I lived in New Mexico for a while, and that's some good stuff!

131 posted on 02/11/2006 1:24:08 PM PST by MamaTexan (I am NOT a ~legal entity~, nor am I a *person* as created by law!)
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To: Chanticleer

Love fried okra! And boiled okra - favorite meal is okra, tomatoes with Dukes mayo, and butter beans.


132 posted on 02/11/2006 1:24:43 PM PST by peacebaby (I'm fixin' to think about beginning to start to get ready to work)
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To: Lady Jag

ROFL!


133 posted on 02/11/2006 1:25:05 PM PST by Chanticleer (May you be gruntled and combobulated in 2006.)
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To: Chanticleer

No rule I know of says you can't practice once or twice, before going for the gusto. Start off w/a serrano or a hot Fresno. When you're comfy w/that, try a bite of a hab or a bonnet.


134 posted on 02/11/2006 1:25:11 PM PST by SAJ
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To: MamaTexan

what's in Green Chili?


135 posted on 02/11/2006 1:25:30 PM PST by peacebaby (I'm fixin' to think about beginning to start to get ready to work)
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To: peacebaby

My family has no appreciation for these things. Sigh. Just the thought makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Good memories.


136 posted on 02/11/2006 1:26:51 PM PST by Chanticleer (May you be gruntled and combobulated in 2006.)
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To: peacebaby
we stick to hoe cakes, fried ham, and pickled okra.

Pickled anything other than pickles never did much fer me.

FRIED okra...yummy, crispy, cornmeal covered golden nuggets.

drool

137 posted on 02/11/2006 1:27:24 PM PST by MamaTexan (I am NOT a ~legal entity~, nor am I a *person* as created by law!)
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To: peacebaby

I love ho cakes, ham, grits, greens, biscuits, black eyed peas, sweet potatoes, okra, etc. etc.


You can keep the chitlins, pickled pigs feet, pickled eggs, and the cheddar cheese on pizza and cottage cheese in lasagna.


138 posted on 02/11/2006 1:27:27 PM PST by Dashing Dasher (Truth is generally the best vindication against slander --- Abe Lincoln (Get it!?))
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To: Chanticleer

geez, I'm getting hungry!


139 posted on 02/11/2006 1:27:45 PM PST by peacebaby (I'm fixin' to think about beginning to start to get ready to work)
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To: Dashing Dasher

how 'bout ricotta cheese in lasagna?


140 posted on 02/11/2006 1:28:27 PM PST by peacebaby (I'm fixin' to think about beginning to start to get ready to work)
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