[BJClinton]

Happy New Year!

[Rummyfan]

Top Ten!

[BJClinton]

[Hoodlum91]

Happy Friday!

My resolution is to drink more. I think I can stick to that one, although it'll be hard!

[beyond the sea]

A preacher went to his congregation to ask for a raise because his wife was expecting a baby. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

These raises began to get expensive after six children, and the congregation held another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.

There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.

Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.

From the back pew, a little old lady stood up and said, in a frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers."

And the congregation said ........... "Amen."

*****

[oldtimer2]

Ski season will soon be here, so here is a list of exercises to get ready

(Thanks to Grouchy Old cripple Blog) Pre Ski Exercises...

The ski season is not to far off...

This list of exercises will help you get ready...

Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour.

Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. Throw away a hundred dollar bill - RIGHT NOW!

Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

Buy a new pair of gloves and IMMEDIATELY THROW ONE AWAY!

Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.

Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.

Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket, get on a motorcycle and ride fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.

Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip onto your clothes.

Slam your thumb in a car door and don't bother to go see a doctor.

Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until you're ready for the real thing!

[Kate of Spice Island]

G'mornin!

[The_Victor]

Sorry I'm late. It's been a busy morning.