Posted on 12/23/2005 5:39:40 AM PST by BJClinton
GOOD MORNING!
and Merry Christmas to all my fellow Freepers!
Peace.
Wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New deer.
| Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With Lots of Guinness |
 Don't worry - what happens at the North Pole stays at the North Pole! You Spend too Much Time on the OFST |
Good because I have grievances.
Ë Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
Ë Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
Ë If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
Ë As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
Ë Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
Ë Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
Ë If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
Ë Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
Ë Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
Ë One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!'"
One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said,
"Hey, mamacita, let's play Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Rosita.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon."
"Please, corazoncito, just once, play Weeweechu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll play Weeweechu."
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
[NOW GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!]
Wish you a Merry Christmas 'anda gay antelope with a big rack.
Great picture! (and you're such a proud Daddy....I love it!)
wee fish ewe a mare 3cranesmoose panda hippo gnu deer
My only complaint is it's 40 degrees here in my office.
Next door, it's a balmy 53 degrees.
Damn concrete floors.
But instead of feats of strength, together we have great strength of feet!!!
(Thanks, Mel Brooks)
| Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With a Stuffed Animal |
 Or he secretly thinks you're a bit immature! |
At least the beer will stay cold.
| Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With Little Wrapped Presents |
 Don't worry - what happens at the North Pole stays at the North Pole! |
Heck,
The milk, cheese, eggs and coldcuts can be kept in here.
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