Posted on 11/08/2005 5:47:39 AM PST by pozarnsk
Hollywood's reputation as an immoral garbage factory has been a point of laughter and sometimes even pity for most Americans. We watch and shake our heads as their 2 month marriages fall to pieces, and lunatic ideas burn our ears. Fortunately, a majority of Americans have finally begun voting with their wallets as Hollywood continues to churn out liberal disaster, after liberal disaster. Now that box office sales are plummeting, and more people are turning a deaf ear to celebrity opinions, views, and personal train wrecks, Hollywood has defiantly decided to take it up a notch. In an effort to tarnish a demographic they despise, and do not understand, their latest target is the American Heartland. That's right, the Midwest, that solid chunk of red real estate that just won't follow suit, even after the East and West coasts have gone completely insane.
The new movie is, “Brokeback Mountain” and is about two cowboys from Wyoming, who despite the fact that they are gay lovers, are your average Midwestern country boys. Now I admit, that I have not seen this movie, nor will I ever. I have, however, read enough reviews detailing explicit gay sex scenes, and nudity, between the two “cowboys”, to get the basic idea. The left is buzzing, talking about how many awards this film is winning, and will continue to win. And by the way, the entire Midwest should be proud as well, because apparently movie goers in other countries are now expressing interest in traveling to Wyoming after viewing the film. Now, having been born and raised in the Montana-Dakota area, I must be honest and say that nothing sounds more entertaining than a sudden infestation of tourists on the hunt for gay cowboys. However, the downside would be that the once beautiful countryside, would soon be littered with wounded foreigners, and bullet ridden Volvos.
This latest leap is of course being hailed by these “paragons of virtue” as a triumph, and is even being picked by some as a favorite for the Oscars. So, once again the fact that no one will actually SEE the movie, will not matter. All you have to do is poke at the right people these days to get awards and recognition. All the Hollywood players at their cocktail parties will be discussing some hidden “truth” contained in the film, and label it a beautiful love story. They will talk about how all of us red state honky's are hiding behind our tractors and Carharts, when all we really want to do is love each other, and have a good cry. Somebody pinch me.
As Hollywood has now finally spun completely out of control, trespassing onto hallowed territory, I have a solution to offer. After all, if I were someone who only brought up problems and offered no solutions, I would be a Democratic Senator. So here it is....... Governor Schwarzenegger should immediately ban sales of cowboy hats and boots, along with all country music, in the state of Cal-i-forn-i-a. Liberals have just proven that they cannot handle that which they do not understand. Californians have seen too many of these guys walking around holding hands, and nobody has told them that wearing a hat and boots doesn't automatically grant you the title “cowboy”. On the contrary, having the desire to make out with a cowboy, definitely excludes you from BEING one. The country music ban would also need to be put into effect immediately, as songs like “Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys” are probably being falsely interpreted as homophobic and intolerant. While we're at it, sayings like “Ride 'Em Cowboy”, and “Cowboy Up!”, should probably be outlawed too....As a matter of fact, the more I think about it, lets ban the word “Cowboy” all together. We had it first. They could use “Boyboy”, or “Manboy”, or something more suitable to their situation.
That should do it for now.
With all its lack of common decency and morality, I do give Hollywood credit for one thing. While these movies will fail miserably everywhere except France and San Francisco, they certainly put ideology (if you can call it that) over money. I mean, after “The Passion Of The Christ” raked in $370 million in U.S. box office sales alone, it certainly takes some stones to continue marketing to the remaining 6 people who were repulsed by such a film.
Anyway, there you have it. Another tier has been added to the sick twisted Hollywood crap heap. “Brokeback Manboy”, will make just enough to cover the cost of convincing two “heterosexual” thespians to make out with each other, and for the next year and a half we will be forced to watch as Hollywood pats itself on the back for a job well done.
-Jared Pozarnsky
Too funny, thanks, I needed a good laugh to start my morning.
(Hitching up pants and sidling over with pink cowboy hat tilted rakishly over one eye.) "Where'd you like to be pinched, you cute little hombre, you?"
Goes-well-with-coffee ping.
Ping
sidesaddle, eh?
Well written!
That's pretty jacked. I've been to Wyoming and in my opinion it is occupied by the nicest, most considerate people anywhere in the globe. I've never been treated nicer by complete strangers any place else in my life.
Only if one has full on caff! Good morning!
Of COURSE Hollywood would have to put out a gay cowboy movie. Between Clint Eastwood and John Wayne, everything has pretty much been done for that genre.
Look on the bright side, Pozarnsk, I'm sure it will be better than Wild Wild West.
So now the academy is offering up gay porn in Cowbaoy outfits as Oscar material?
Gay Cowboys eating pudding, of course!
Rump Wranglers on the Range
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