Posted on 10/19/2005 8:42:55 PM PDT by Mo1
Hmm.. Wedgie time.
Agreed.
NEW COMPANY POLICY
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Sounds more like a description of Kansas to me.
No they don't. I'm telling you!!!
"Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy."
Sounds like my kind of place..
The area around Bradner is relatively flat.
Pretty place.
You're just not understanding enough to say "Happy Holidays" over and over again.
*ducking*
Me neither.......
Well, a good flush color to the face either means she's embarrassed, or just had a life altering experience.
Looks great.
I hear you can buy some swampland property down in New Orlerans real cheap nowadays.
Aha! Perhaps we've discovered the real culprit behind Darks' typos!
*rolling eyes at Farrakhan like accusations*
Okay...
Well, there is teh forum software gremlin who steals some letters, eats others, and swaps the rest..
If not, we're pinging Carolguttermomma to all your threads.
:-)
That is my point exactly!!
Not in your case though.
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