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Healines for the Year 2029
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Posted on 10/17/2005 9:23:41 PM PDT by oceanperch

thanks to carla!:   Headlines from the year 2029!   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Baby conceived naturally - -   scientists stumped. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ George Z.  Bush says he will run for President in 2036. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. ( I just sent it.  I didn't write it!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: future; hardeeharhar; headlines; humor; shuffleofftochat; whatisaparagraph
I have to get back to work so I won't be around to flame or otherwise.
1 posted on 10/17/2005 9:23:43 PM PDT by oceanperch
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To: oceanperch

Oh Crap so sorry I forgot to HTML but gotta go now.


2 posted on 10/17/2005 9:24:26 PM PDT by oceanperch (I love my Labradors Kolbe, Porter, Hunter and Yol)
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To: oceanperch

3 posted on 10/17/2005 9:27:53 PM PDT by Prime Choice (E=mc^3. Don't drink and derive.)
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To: oceanperch
Well I was gonna flame you for misspelling "Healines" but realized you're at work and then ran across this:

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

LOLOL!!!

4 posted on 10/17/2005 9:39:27 PM PDT by PistolPaknMama (Al-Queda can recruit on college campuses but the US military can't! --FReeper airborne)
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To: oceanperch

The year 2029...


I'll be old!

I'll look back and laugh at the fact that we used printers, and the headaches they would cause when they would mess up on us.


5 posted on 10/17/2005 10:04:04 PM PDT by KoRn
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To: KoRn
I'll be greeting you at Wal*Mart, because President Chelsea Clinton appropriated all the Social Security payments for that year for her parents' memorial (matching 550-foot-tall blue stone statues of a dress and pantsuit).
6 posted on 10/17/2005 10:10:54 PM PDT by decal (Mother Nature and Real Life are conservatives; the Progs have never figured this out.)
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To: oceanperch
Justice Edith Miers the last Conservative on the Supreme Court retired today. Chief Justice Sean Penn commented "Now we will better able to fix the Constitution".
7 posted on 10/17/2005 10:14:55 PM PDT by Mike Darancette (Mesocons for Rice '08)
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To: oceanperch

John Kerry reiterates his intention to sign Form 180.


8 posted on 10/17/2005 10:18:44 PM PDT by My2Cents (Dead people voting is the closest thing the Democrats come to believing in eternal life.)
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