Marriage Quotes
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out...'
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
MUSLIM TERRORISTS ARE SO QUICK TO COMMIT SUICIDE
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now:
Ø No Jesus.
Ø No Wal-Mart.
Ø No television.
Ø No cheerleaders.
Ø No baseball.
Ø No football.
Ø No basketball.
Ø No hockey.
Ø No golf.
Ø No tailgate parties.
Ø No Home Depot.
Ø No pork BBQ.
Ø No hot dogs.
Ø No burgers.
Ø No lobster.
Ø No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks.
Ø No gumbo.
Ø No jambalaya.
Ø More than one wife. (HELLO, ARE YOU CRAZY?)
Ø Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Ø Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
Ø No chocolate chip cookies.
Ø No Girl Scout cookies.
Ø No Christmas.
Ø You can't shave.
Ø Your wives can't shave.
Ø You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
Ø The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Ø Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better! I mean, really. IS THERE ANY MYSTERY HERE???????????
Sweet! I have to give a little speach at the wedding, that is some awesome material.
I also have aids. Hearing aids, medic-aids, band-aids...
LOL!! Excellent.