DAMMIT! Pull yourself together and start acting like a man for once in your life or get back there with the women! Now listen to me! If we work TOGETHER, we can make it out alive!
Posted on 09/17/2005 4:22:39 PM PDT by Raycpa
PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!
Monday September 12, 2005
By MIKE FOSTER
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- Scared-stiff astronomers have detected a mysterious mass they've dubbed a "chaos cloud" that dissolves everything in its path, including comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars -- and it's headed directly toward Earth!
Discovered April 6 by NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, the swirling, 10 million-mile- wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an "acid nebula" and is hurtling toward us at close to the speed of light -- making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014.
"The good news is that this finding confirms several cutting- edge ideas in theoretical physics," announced Dr. Albert Sherwinski, a Cambridge based astrophysicist with close ties to NASA.
"The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent."
Experts believe the chaos cloud is composed of particles spawned near the event horizon of a black hole (a form of what's called Hawking Radiation) that have been distorted by mangled information spewed from the hole.
"A super-massive black hole lies about 28,000 light-years from Earth at the center of our galaxy," explained Dr. Sherwinski.
"Last year the eminent physicist Stephen Hawking revised his theory of black holes -- which previously held that nothing could escape the hole's powerful gravitational field. He demonstrated that information about objects that have been sucked in can be emitted in mangled form.
"It now appears that mangled information can distort matter.
"Just imagine our galaxy the Milky Way as a beautiful, handwritten letter.
"Now imagine pouring a glass of water on the paper and watching the words dissolve as the stain spreads. That's what the chaos cloud does to every star or planet it encounters."
To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.
"It's like watching a helpless hog being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski.
Ordinarily, Hawkings Radiation is harmless.
"It's produced when an electron- positron pair are at the event horizon of a black hole," Dr. Sherwinski explained. "The intense curvature of space-time of the hole can cause the positron to fall in, while the electron escapes."
But when "infected" by mangled information from the black hole, the particles become a chaos cloud, which in turn mangles everything it touches.
"If it continues unchecked, the chaos cloud will eventually reduce our galaxy to the state of absolute chaos that existed before the birth of the universe," the astrophysicist warned.
Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a "space ark" and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away.
"We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project.
But even if such a craft could be built in time, evacuating Earth might prove fruitless if theories about the origin of the chaos cloud are correct.
"A black hole at the center of Andromeda is about 15 times the size of the one in our own galaxy," Dr. Sherwinski noted. "It might be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire."
Speaking under the condition of anonymity, a senior White House official said the president's top science advisors are taking the findings in stride.
"This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it's real or not," said the official.
"The existence of this so called chaos cloud is only a theory. Americans shouldn't panic until all the facts are in."
Another thing. The planet dissolving dust cloud must be a living entity. It'd would be a more boring film than Star Trek: The Motion Picture if the starship enterprise couldn't kill it by blasting it with phasers, blowing it up by self-destructing, or reasoning with it. Those plot lines have been done to death, but this is worse. Come to think of it, scrap the planet dissolving dust cloud altogether and replace it with a scene-chewing villian in another, bigger space Either that, or make it into the evil side kick.
First my hair dropped out and now this. One thing after another.
So I guess the 'RATS are wrong. It really doesn't matter who takes over Sandy O'Connor's job. All their hysterical huffing and puffing is only going to cause them to die tired.
LOL!
Joey: Wait a minute. I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabar. You play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Roger Murdock: I'm sorry son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
Joey: You are Kareem. I've seen you play. My dad's got season tickets.
Roger Murdock: I think you should go back to your seat now Joey. Right Clarence?
Captain Oveur: Nahhhhhh, he's not bothering anyone, let him stay here.
Roger Murdock: But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an airline pilot.
Joey: I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try... except during the playoffs.
Roger Murdock: The hell I don't. LISTEN KID. I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.
Yeah, of all the stories by the WWN that had to be true...
Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.
"It's like watching a Saddam Hussein being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski,
"or Teddy Kennedy and a glass of scotch".
Heineken is OK, but Pilsner Urquell is so much better.
Why is the MSM supressing this?
Moon bat alert.
I have always assumed that we are already in it.
"The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent."
You gotta admit, the guys who write this stuff are a riot...
My quick back of the envelope calculation shows this "acid nebula" is someting like 50,000,000,000,000 (that's 50 trillion) miles away from us. The angle subtended by a 10,000,000 mile wide thingy is only .00001 degrees. The idea that you could measure the direction it was coming and the speed accurately enough to predict not only the day it would "arrive" but the time of day to within a minute is absurd.
If this was April 1 we would all be having a good laugh. As for me, I'm selling everything I have, looking for a 20 year old blond and booking two seats on the next plane heading for Tahiti.
"making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014."
I had a cookout planned for that day too. Damn!
...Towel. Mustn't forget my towel...
Evolution is a theory too. Coincidence?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.