Spider Control Made Easy

The Morning Paper | 09/03/05 | vanity

[genefromjersey]

Spider Control Made Simple

A 34 year-old German woman decided to rid her garage of spiders- so:

First she attacked the pesky critters with hair spray – lots of it.

The spiders were unimpressed , so the annoyed hausfrau grabbed a cigarette lighter , and attempted to burn them out.

Hair spray being quite inflammable , there was a sort of popping noise,and, within minutes , flaming material was oozing down the garage wall , and setting a nearby hedge ablaze.

The woman grabbed her garden hose , and tried to put the blaze out ; but it spread to her house – burning it to the ground.

It also damaged a neighbor’s home , to the tune of 100,000+ Euros – (Sorry, but you’ll have to ask George Soros about those. He bought a big bunch of them when he was trying to bankrupt us.)

(We are happy to report the spiders are gone. Alles in ordnung. See how easy that was ?)

San Francisco: Motorists stuck in traffic on the Golden State Bridge got some unexpected diversion when the owner of an ostrich farm, who was transporting two of the big birds across the bridge, saw an opening in traffic and speeded up.

One of the birds – which had evidently been watching for the chance to make a break for it – kicked out the back window of the van, and began trotting towards the toll booths.

Unfortunately, the ostrich didn’t have cash, tokens, or an EZ Pass sticker, and police swarmed out to cut it off.

Traffic was stopped for about eight minutes while the bird was removed from the roadway and returned to its anxious owner.

(Motorists expressed their solidarity with living creatures by honking their horns and flipping one another the bird , throughout "Big Bird's" great adventure.)

Los Angeles : You will be happy to hear that the executives of the ABC TV channel have decided to demonstrate their incredible sensitivity by postponing the airing of promos for their new show “ Invasion”.

The series opens with a powerful hurricane that batters Homestead,Florida: “ thus ushering in a a series of phenomena that suggest the storm may have been a smoke screen for an alien invasion”.

The executives thought the promos might be a little too graphic for youngsters already traumatized by Hurricane Katrina – but the series will open on September 21st : by which time , the executives probably figure, we will be so sick of hurricane coverage, we’ll actually watch their show.

[Past Your Eyes]

My house is more overrun than usual with them this year.
Hair spray and cigarette lighters, eh? Have to give that a try.
What's a Euro?

[Right Wing Assault]

What's a Euro?

Silly! Everyone knows a Euro is a person who lives in Europe.

[Past Your Eyes]

All right. Then what's a Grecian Urn?

[carlr]

The disgusting little bast##ds probably got out too.The evil,horrid things probably knew something like this would happen.

[Radioactive]

Hair spray and spiders...sounds like an urban legend story here.

[Just mythoughts]

There is something going on as the number of "bugs" of all species are coming out of nowhere. Some of these creatures I have never seen before and they are on a feeding frenzy.

[Salamander]

"What's a Euro?"

It's a French word for "trash"....:)

[Smokin' Joe]

Yep. She should have used the hair spray in a spud gun and 'tatered them to death....

[Salamander]

$2 an hour less than a Trojan.

[Khepera]

Don't Trojans make latex products?

[Salamander]

I thought they made mobile wooden statuary...:)


[how long until somebody asks about the henway?]

[GRRRRR]

This little lady, European Garden Spider (Araneus diadematous) has been spinning two orb webs per day between my hanging begonia basket and the Impatiens in the deck window box. Each night she stakes herself in the center of the orb and waits. By morning, there are several leftover meals in the web. Last weekend, I caught her spinning the last of the center, six spinnerettes on the abdomen shooting out a gob of sticky silk, her rear legs catching it and sticking it onto the guy wires that are not sticky. An amazing feat of inbred behavior and a marvel of Mother Nature.

[Past Your Eyes]

Have you found words woven into the web? Words like "humble", "terrific", "radiant"?

[GRRRRR]

Hmmm...this must be a riddle.

A Grecian urns as much as they can?

[Radioactive]

Spud guns...made one a few years back.

Sent those taters a tossin and made a lot of neighbors unhappy with spuds in their yards.....about 300 yards away to be exact.

Had a lot of fun though.