I'm sure there would be plenty of volunteers to use dull butcher knives to help him shed lard!
Imagine the uses we could put his excess, excess blubber to???....
* Feed the starving in Africa, eliminating fruity UN MDG's.
* Alternative fuel source, getting us back to ~$1/gal.
* 1lb/mouth, used to keep libs from speaking/whining/protesting/etc, curbing CO2 emissions drastically
* America could build the worlds largest 'lardsicle'