Posted on 07/22/2005 7:05:44 AM PDT by TheBigB
WOOOOO HOOOOO! YIPPEE-SKIP, and YABBA DABBA-DOO!!!!! It's FRIDAAAAAY! : ) Time for FRIDAY SILLINESS! As always, feel free to post jokes, silly pics, nonsensical statements, or even to IGNORE THIS THREAD!
The Census (SNL skit)
Census-Taker.....Tim Meadows Mr. Leonard.....Christopher Walken
Census-Taker: Mr. Leonard? I'm with the U.S. Census Bureau. We sent you a Census form, but you failed to return it to us.
Mr. Leonard: My mail is piled up like crazy.
Census-Taker: Yeah. Well, I just need to fill out this Census form with you. Uh.. how many people live in this residence?
Mr. Leonard:Oh, boy.. good question. I'm bad with numbers.. Maybe 80.
Census-Taker: 80 people live in this apartment?
Mr. Leonard: Seems high, doesn't it? Not 80. How about 4? I don't know.. I'm so bad at guestimating..
Census-Taker: Well, just take your time, and count.
Mr. Leonard: Okay.. there's me.. my wife.. our plants.. we have some candy bars..
Census-Taker: Well, you know, we don't count candy bars or plants..
Mr. Leonard: Well, then, there's just the two of us. Boy, I really overshot with the 80!
Census-Taker: Listen, don't worry about it. I'm gonna put you down as the Primary Resident, okay? Now, are you currently employed?
Mr. Leonard: Yeah.. part of the time.
Census-Taker: Well, you work part-time. How many days of the week?
Mr. Leonard: Every day.. but just part of the day. From 9 to 5.
Census-Taker: So, you work a full day?
Mr. Leonard: I wouldn't say that. There are huge chunks of time.. at night.. where I'm just asleep. For hours. It's ridiculous.
Census-Taker: No, it's not that ridiculous. Mr. Leonard, do you own or rent this apartment?
Mr. Leonard: Sure. You have to ask one of the other 79 people.
Census-Taker: You mean your wife?
Mr. Leonard: Yeah.
Census-Taker: Well, can I talk to her, then?
Mr. Leonard: She won't answer you. She's a bobcat.
Census-Taker: You got a bobcat in there?
Mr. Leonard: Well, I have a permit. [ reaches into apartment and pulls out a sheet of paper ] Here you go.
Census-Taker: [ examines paper ] This is a permit to run a nail salon.
Mr. Leonard: Wrong one! Wrong one! [ pulls another sheet of paper out of his apartment ]
Census-Taker: [ examines paper ] This is a permit to do street performances.
Mr. Leonard: Yeah. My wife's a big part of the act.
Census-Taker: [ shaking head ] You know what? Fine. [ changing subject ] Mr. Leonard, are you a citizen of the United States?
Mr. Leonard: I have dual-citizenship with the United States and Florida.
Census-Taker: Florida is a part of the United States.
Mr. Leonard: Don't push your politics on me, pal. All's I know is when I turned 50, I was issued a Florida passport. [ hands him the "passport" ] Here you go.
Census-Taker: [ examining "passport" ] Alright.. this is a novelty birthday card. And it says, "You're over the hill. Here's a passport to Florida." This is not a real passport.
Mr. Leonard: I don't know.. you know? Whenever I go to Florida, I show it at the border, and they always let me in!
Census-Taker: Listen, Mr. Leonard. A real passport wouldn't have a picture of a sexy nurse on it. This is a joke card.
Mr. Leonard: Well.. it's a hell of a forgery!
Census-Taker: [ exasperated ] Okay, let's just proceed as if this were going really well. Now, how long have you lived at this address?
Mr. Leonard: Oh, man! There you go with the numbers again!
Census-Taker: Just take your time.
Mr. Leonard: Well, what do most people say?
Census-Taker: That's not important!
Mr. Leonard: I feel an enormous amount of pressure to get this right. I want to win that car!
Census-Taker: [ shaking his head ] There's no car, Mr. Leonard! How long have you lived here?
Mr. Leonard: Alright, when I moved in, it was the Spring, and Clinton was President.. I'd just gotten out of jail.. I'd say an hour.
Census-Taker: Alright, let me go over this again, then. You are a convicted criminal, living alone in an apartment with a bobcat. And you work 56 hours a week as a street performer.
Mr. Leonard: When you say it like that, my life sounds pretty damn good!
Census-Taker: You know what? I've talked to a lot of people all over this country.. and your life is pretty damn good. You wanna get a beer?
Mr. Leonard: You know, I'd love to, but.. [ points into apartment ] ..you know.. the ol' ball and chain..
Census-Taker: Alright. Take care.
Mr. Leonard: Have a good one. [ returns into the apartment to find his bobcat/wife growling at him ] Again?! We just did it!
"Friday! WAZZZZUPPPP?!" 
oooo, zap! Your insults are ok...but mine = "Blah Blah Blah"
:-D
Our Oldest Enemy - John J. Miller
Taking Heat - Ari Fleisher
Men in Black - Mark Levin
100 people screwing up America - Bernard Goldberg
Winning the Future - Newt Gingrich
Guys,
I love good paranormal reads....with good characters, romance and yes, sex.
Feehan is at the top of my list, with Knight following second.
Oh, and Linda Howard's "To Die For" is a HOOT! Think "Legally Blonde" with a murder mystery and a super hunky cop.
They are not insults. You insult people you don't like. This is called good natured ribbing. No harm done, all in fun.
I'm takin' notes on the paranormal ones. I'm not too much into vampire stuff...but other types of paranormal stuff are wonderful.
Thanks!
And you can tell this...how?
:-) Some people can dish it out but can't take it. Methinks that is you.
Feehan's vampires are really better than Rice's (to me).
They have a biological explanation and those who go 'bad'--turn to darkness are hunted by the good ones.
They're fluff, but fun fluff. :)
Heh, is that your server those pics are hosted on?
Don't worry about old Exile, I'm tougher that I look. So bring it on baby.
OK,
I think I read that one!
The Flamgino hooks up with the Lobster at the end!
Fluff is good. In a vampire book, I'd rather have it fluffy. Rice got too dark--fluffless!
She's extremely prolific...
Besides the "Dark" books (which I adore)
She has the "Ghostwalkers" which at first I thought would be really cheesy (special ops with genetically enhanced telepathy etc)
Well, I just read the second in the group last night and I can't wait for the third.
I completely agree......a little demented I think...my sister-in-law loved to read Rice and hands them to me...but I can't get through them
I don't need to; but thank you, anyway.
Then you will LOVE the Feehan Dark books. I mean, they are SO written for women (the men don't turn to evil if they can find their other half/lifemate). And they can be very funny and sweet.
OK, the killing the vampire parts are pretty icky, but even then, you're rooting for the heros.
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